Anchorhold

Worship – the missing gem, missing oxygen of the church

2012-01-24T02:32:00.002-05:00

Many years ago I wasstruck by the truth contained in the title and content of A.W. Tozer’s book onworship as being the missing gem within the church. That certainly rang a chordin my heart and we have spent much ofour lives helping churches find that gem.

Frankly, I think we are losing it again.

I was struck this morning by a line from Eugene Petersonwhere he talks about the change from a call to worship the almighty God to thecall to have a “worship experience”.

We have replaced the need to be worshippers in spirit andtruth with the need to have amazing sound systems, star quality worship leadersand consumer driven music sets. We have changed from a desire to honour God ina way that He deserves to an insatiable need to be satisfied with the emotionalexperience of Sunday morning. TheEnglish song writer, Graham Kendrich , who wrote Knowing You among many othermagnificent songs, said that we are in danger of pursuing ecstasy rather thanGod. I concur.

What we have lost has been an manipulated time ofworshipping God for Hiis glory and not for our enjoyment. John Wimber, the founder of Vineyard, used tosay that our attitude towards worship was like going to a birthday party forsomeone and getting depressed because you did not get any gifts. True worshipis neither about us nor is it for us. We worship the Lord of Hosts because He isworthy of our gifts of love.

We had an interesting experience when we lived in CostaRica. A friend of ours, who was a professional tour guide, took us to see oneof the great volcanoes there – Arenal. It was rather impressive. One of my lasting impressions, however, wasthe jaded and bored expression on our friends face when he showed us thesights. He had seen them so many times and gone through his little spiel aboutthe wonders of the mountain. What wasmore fun was watching a couple of little girls bursting at the seems as theywatched the mountain shoot out van size pieces of molten rock. That wasseriously fun!

Have we encouraged a class of tour guides in worship –professionals who know the sights, know the right words and can manipulate theright response? Personally I love theterm “lead worshipper” rather thanworship leader. If the chief musician isnot also the primary worshipper, something seriously has been lost.

Matt Redman wrote a song that says it better than anything Iknow.

When the music fades

All is stripped away

And I simply come

Longing just to bring

Something that's ofworth

That will bless yourheart

I'll bring You more than a song

For a song initself

Is not whatYou have required

You searchmuch deeper within

Through theway things appear

You're lookinginto my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's allabout You

It's all aboutYou, Jesus

I'm sorry, Lord,for the thing I've made it

When it's allabout You

It's all aboutYou, Jesus

So what is a pastor?

2012-01-20T06:27:00.001-05:00

So what is a pastor?

Although this has been my primary vocation,and I use that word in the sense of call more than job, for most of my life; Iam, it seems, still trying to understand what it is that I do. I grew up in achurch family that did not have “pastors” which, in many ways was a blessing.It did, however, lead to some strangely funny moments; but that is for anotherblog.

For a pastor, much of what drives us – andleaves us feeling vaguely guilty – is confusion about our primary roles. I donot believe the job of a pastor is to either build a church nor even to leadit. I can remember hating going to pastors conferences when I had strugglingchurches and not releasing that increased numbers does not bring an end to thatstruggle. Inevitably someone would ask how the church was going and what theywanted to know was measurable signposts of success – was it growing? Were webuilding? Were we adding staff? I was not, and I cringed in anticipation ofthose questions.

Many pastors, myself included, live with aniggling sense of failure. Some of this is from the bizarre models of largerthan life pastors within the media. It is heightened by the ways in which thechurch generally defines success for a pastor as shown in the way they arehonoured. When is a wonderful faithful pastor of a small church ever invited tobe a conference speaker? It is subtly implied that if they were significant teachers,they would have significantly sized churches and would therefore be worthlistening to. Before I start to rantabout false models of success in the church let me get back to a basic andprimary understanding of the call of the pastor.

For me, much of my sense of inadequacy wasdue to a wrong understanding of what I was suppose to be doing; what the mostimportant things were that God had called me to do. I do know that there areelements of my job that require leadership and management; and that I accept. Ido not, however, believe that is the primary vocation of a pastor.

I believe that as a senior pastor I have 3unique roles. I am a pastor, teacher and leader. I believe that the second twoare subservient to the first.

This is a lifelong work in progress buthere are some of my thoughts.

I am called to be a lover – of God and Hispeople. I love the way in which John, the pastoral apostle, weaves this themeconstantly through his letter. It also needs to be woven through my life.

I am called to obedience – and the outcomeof that obedience rests with the Lord and not with me. I need to live in obedience to God’s word andhis revealed direction within my life. If I measure my success merely by theoutcome of my actions, and not the carefulness of my obedience, I am have anoverinflated sense of my own importance.

I am called to the ancient art of the cureof souls (the very old understanding of the office of pastor). This includes salvation but does not stopthere. It includes much of what is increasingly being discussed as spiritualformation. It is the binding up of the wounded, patiently waiting for thestragglers, noticing those hovering at the edge and watching to see where thelight is dimming. My call involvesconfronting both the will where it has not been broken and the wounds, which havebeen neglected.

As a pastoral teacher, I will never soundas deep or clever as a professor nor should I. I need to provide the eternaltruths of God in bit sized pieces for the weekly good of those in front ofme. Ideas are not the realm in which I getto dwell but rather change; my goal is to encourage transformation and notsimply to bring education. The word “educate” comes from the latin words which, roughly translated mean, lead to the light. If I take that as meaningleading to Jesus then I am an educator. As a pastor I must also mean assistingwith gentle grace and stubborn strength all within my care to follow Jesus moreclosely.

If I am a leader, it is firstly a byproductof my being a follower. Come and follow me as I follow the Lord. For a pastorleading in this way is primary.

I remember reading of the disappointment ofGhandi when he wrote of how many of the pastors he met were managers and notholy men.

I love being a pastor – most days. I lovethe fact that I know I have been called to be a follower, a lover, aworshipper, a wounded healer and guide. I love the fact that I get to be a lifelong learner in what this means.

Let the journey continue!

What does your clothing say about your values?

2012-01-12T03:01:00.000-05:00

As an old hippy, I have enjoyed the transition from formality to casual within the church community. However, I have had increasing concerns about this that I have struggled with over the years.
As a pastor, working in churches that were pretty casual, I have often noticed that visitors were uncomfortable at times with the dress code and were often the only ones where were "dressed up". This is particularly true if they are from a non white culture.
I have spent a lot of time pastoring International Churches outside of North America and it is even more marked in this context. Each culture has its own approach but it is often only the North Americans that tend to dress very casually for church.
I have just reread a great book called " Foreign to Familiar: by Sarah Lanier that addresses this in looking at different cultures.
She emphasises the point that for many cultures, especially the older ones, the way one dresses is a codifed statement about respect and values. To not dress well when going to visit someone is to say that they are not important and not worth the extra bother in preparation. In the west it has perhaps changed to the point where to visit someone dressed very casually is to say that you are comfortable enough around them not to have to dress up.
Where it is conscious or not, how we dress does make a statement. Few of us would attend a wedding in dirty jeans or crumpled clothes. The times I have seen that happend, I have also often observed offence as some people took it as a statement about the importance of the wedding.
This is a very current topic for me as I am about to move to Holland to begin pastoring an International Church there. What I wear will affect the way in which I am perceived.
Christianity Today has an excellent article discussing this - Clothing Matters . They discuss how our clothing communicates and is one of the first ways we communicate our mood, priorities, economic status and other things.
Is it possible to have a discussion about clothing and worship without lapsing into silliness and legalism? I grew up in the strict formality where you would be ostracized or worse if you violated the unwritten code for how to dress for church. I love the fact that it is now easier for many to come to church without feeling judged. But is it time to readdress this issue?
Does how we dress make a statement about how important worship is to us? Does it show value to others that we are with?
If I am taking my wife out to dinner, I think about what I will wear. Shouldn't we at least allow this to enter our thinking as we prepare for corporate worship or do we opt only for our personal comfort?
I am very interested in any comments.

pictures on the wall

2012-01-06T00:29:00.003-05:00

I was struck by something this morning as I was reading a little of Eugene Peterson's The Pastor (which should be mandatory reading for pastors).
He was talking about how when he first became a pastor, he put pictures of three men up in his office who he wanted to accompany him on his journey as a pastor. They were all writers whose words had lives had influenced him greatly and who he wanted as companions to keep teaching him. The one that struck me the most was Alexander Whyte, a Scottish pastor. Peterson has read one of his sermons every Sunday morning throughout his pastoral life as a way of letting someone preach regularly to him. What an interesting idea!
As I was walking into an appointment this morning I was thinking about whose pictures I woul put up - or who had been my companions on my journey. Who are the heroes of the faith who I glance at for ideas, models, challenge or comfort?
Without a doubt, one of them would be Peterson. I recall the first time I read an article by him in my first year as a pastor and how much it impacted me (it was on the pastor's rike within church boards and fighting to need to be a manager vs a pastor) He has been a good companion on the journey.
Brennan Manning would be a more recent companion. I have been both comforted and challenged by his vulnerability in sharing his life. His openess about his struggles and places where his is still a broken man being healed are wonderful reminders of what it means to walk in grace.
Do you have heroes? Writers, teachers or role models that you tend to look to with some frequency? I am interested in any responses.

PostVent should be all about refugees

2011-12-26T08:57:00.002-05:00

Don't get me wrong. I like Christmas and I love advent. But over the last 3 days I have come to the firm conclusion that what happens after Christmas is perhaps more important.
It is good to prepare our hearts for the celebration of his coming, but it is what happens in our lives after this celebration that might really make a difference.

The biggest thing that I have become really aware of is related to where we live at the moment - Azerbaijan.
As a stable country in the region, we often have people coming to church who are refugees. Most of them have come from Iran and Afghanistan and have left because those countries are rather difficult to survive in as Christians. They come here and get stuck - unable to move to another country and unable to work.
Driving to church on Christmas Eve I was struck suddenly about how the period after Christmas ought to be the time when we, as followers of Jesus ought to be the most aware of the refugees in our midst. We serve a Lord who, shortly after his birth, had to flee and live in the harsh conditions common to all refugees.
I think it would be a really good idea to make the season after Christmas the season to particularly pray for and assist refugees. With more than 40 million people who have been uprooted in the world this is a large need. What is more striking to me, is that only about 1/4 of them are registered as refugees and therefore getting assistance even if it is meagre.
Before you say that means they might not really be refugees in that case, let me mention one man in our church who was told by an official that he could easily get refugee status if he was gay but not because he was Christian - it was too politically sensitive.
The issue is not the morality of agencies, but the urgency of prayer.
I wish someone would declare a Postvent season of support for refugees. Because Christ came - we can live with compassion.

all about perspective

2011-12-19T23:25:00.000-05:00

This has been an irritating 12 hours. About 4 o'clock yesterday our gas went off. What was different this time is that it was cut off as our landlord was doing work on his house next door - and it is still off. I found myself frustrated and angry that we had no warning and still have no heat nor hot water.
And then I read this article.
http://www.24-7prayer.com/features/1673

I admit to a sense of relief when I heard that Kim Jong-il had passed away this week. He was an evil tyrant who brought pain to the lives of so many. I also got a sense of satisfaction when I read some of the funny and derogatory comments about his son Kim Jong-un who has taken over.
This has not been a good year for tyrants around the globe.
Then I read an article a few minutes ago that a friend had posted that sort of stopped me in my tracks. In my trivial handling of the news, I had neglected to think about the 25 million who are living is some of the harshest and most cruel conditions on the planet. And that their lives could possibly get worse.

My petty inconveniences pale as I think about the mind numbing struggle to survive that is so normal in North Korea. And my heart is humbled when I think of those who have gone at huge personal sacrifice to bring the good news of Jesus to that very dark and repressive place.

Can I encourage you to read the article? And perhaps to pray? This is, after all, the season we celebrate the birth of the one who came to seek and save those who are lost and who are more lost on this continent than those in North Korea?

The end of that article has some good news -

" God has done it before in North Korea! InJanuary 1907 the Great Revival of Pyongyang swept through the wholepeninsula, especially the north, purifying the church and bringing many tofaith. By 1912 there was a church of 300,000 in North Korea. Kim Il-Sung'sgrandmother was a Christian and revival came powerfully to North Korea again1945-7. Let's pray that God will intervene in this country once more. Why? Forthe sake of the millions who are starving while South Korea prospers. For thesake of our persecuted brothers and sisters in prison or banned from gatheringin groups of more than eight, listening secretly to FEBA radio broadcasts. Forthe sake of 22.5 million people, made in the image of the One who bled and diedfor each one of them, and who have not yet heard the Good News of Immanuel."

Toboggans and faith

2011-12-16T09:19:00.001-05:00

I must admit that tobogganing can be a rather decent metaphor in trying to describe following Jesus as a life style.
Skiing, in my mind just does not cut it in the same way as an illustration. Skiing is fun but you can stop and turn and hopefully control the whole experience within a certain range. Where is the fun in that?

Tobogganing is just not like that - which is why it is wonderful when you are a child. Impending disaster does seem so alarming when you are young. The joyful terror of not having a lot of control is part of the charm!

To truly enjoy hurtling down a hill on a bent piece of wood requires a certain mindset I think - a child's mindset.
To truly enjoy following the Lord, the same mindset comes in very handy! The great difficulty that many of us have is that we really enjoy having a steering wheel in our hands - we like control. It is fine trusting God but if things get dicey, we want to be able to take over and steer to safety.
Part of the joy of the wonderful life that God offers us is it can be an adventure. A very good friend of mine, Jim Eubank, used to say that there should be a new name for the Lord - Jehovah Sneaky. That makes some sense to me. I have been reflecting on the Mary and Joseph this advent season. When the Lord interfered with their lives he totally turned them upside down. It must have been terrifying for them trying to understand what was happening. Did they regret saying yes to God? I think not! Did they feel confused and out of control? Certainly because they were.

I was talking to a friend this morning and Wayne mentioned a children's story that he had read to his children. It was about a grumpy grandfather who was taking a grandchild tobogganing. The child begged for one last run before it got dark and the man reluctantly pulled the toboggan to the top. As the child started off, the scarf of the old man was caught in the sled pulling him on board. He grumbled as it began to pick up speed and shot down the hill. In the story somehow other children ended up piling on as it descended. Finally, as often happens, it crashed into a snowbank at the bottom.
The children were concerned as the grandfather had grumbled for a lot of the trip. When it came to its abrupt end, to their amazement, he lept up and called out. " Come on! If we hurry there is time for one more run!"

I want that to be my attitude in following the Lord. I want to keep saying " Lets go!" I want to trust the Lord and enjoy the adventure.

Accidental spiritual insight

2011-12-12T08:40:00.000-05:00

Denise and I subscribe to a great daily email that often has some gems that get me thinking. Today's pithy note was one of those.
"Whenever beauty overwhelms us, whenever wonder silences our chattering hopes and worries, we are close to worship." Richard Cabot.

Today, our day off, we decided to go into the centre of town and have lunch out together. As we started in, the normally bad traffic was insane. All of the normal routes into the centre of town were blocked by buses parked across them forcing everyone to make the remaining roads even more insane. The man driving us told us that it was the "day of the dead" when people visit cemeteries and that the city blocks off some streets in a the naive thinking that this makes it easier to do this.

The trip that should have taken 20 minutes took 90. Cars were honking incessantly, going the wrong way down streets, driving on the sidewalks and generally behaving badly . It was not the peaceful morning that we had planned on after a busy weekend!

As we gradually got close to the downtown I started to look at some of the old buildings we were passing. I could not help but notice the intricate brick work and wonderful wrought iron. Many of the buildings in the centre of the city predated the austere soviet era and have magnificent workmanship.
I would like to say that I was intentionally feeding my soul to offset the stress of being in bad traffic but it was really quite accidental. I noticed that as I started to look for and find the beauty around me, it was simply more refreshing than focusing on the cacophony of horns and the chaos. Not only was it less stressful but in spite of myself I began to fell my spirit rise.
We sat down in the crowded and loud restaurant - our plan for a quiet lunch out together had quite sunk under the reality of the day - and checked my phone to see the email with which I began. I smiled to myself as I realized how true it was and that in the well crafted granite and iron I had found beauty and that it had brought me closer to the Lord who is the source of everything beautiful.

Christmas is about families far away

2011-12-08T05:08:00.001-05:00

It is somewhat ironic that the images for the Christmas season so often focus upon perfect families gathering in a comfortable house to eat a perfect meal. And this is all in honour of the one who left his family - the only truly perfect one behind.
I am living in a "non Christian" nation, Azerbaijan, where most of our church are expatriates from many other countries. They have come to this land for many reasons - many following a distinct sense of calling to be here.
Most of us share one simple thing - much of our family are continents away.
And many within the fellowship would not be here if it were not for the one who left His home to show us His love.
Can I encourage you this Christmas season to be mindful of those who have chosen to live far from family out of obedience to God? We ought to approach this wonderful season with an increased ability and call to love - and it is a good thing to let that love be for the lonely among us.

More thoughts on the church, and brides and mud

2011-11-16T08:13:00.001-05:00

The first wedding that I performed had certains elements of tragedy built into the day. This was in the early 70's and the bride was the daughter of missionaries and 7 months pregnant which added some awkwardness for some. She opted to come in the church by the back door. It was a wet day and this involved walking up a grassy hill - or in this case slipping down a muddy one. She was so dirty that hosing was more of an option than wiping her down.

In spite of a less than perfect day, and a less that pristine bride, I have not stopped performing marriages.

I have been reading and meditating on Exodus 32 this week in preparation for speaking this weekend. It is that strange passage where God wants to bring down judgment on the flawed and fickle Israelites and Moses has a strong and strange reaction. He basically pled with God to have mercy upon them. They were fickle - and had given Moses more than enough justification just to sit back and let God bring vengeance upon them. Why not! Lets have a clean start as the Lord still promised to bless him and make him into a great people.

If the church is the bride of Christ, she can be a flawed and even dirty bride at times.

I grew up in a very sectarian church that would neither call itself a church nor were we allowed to call ourselves Christians. We were believers and we had meetings at the hall. Christian and church, we were told, were words so defiled by the apostate church that we should avoid all contact with the words - and those who used them.

This attitude of exclusivity, with all of its latent fear and pride, is always so easy to fall into when speaking of the church. It is easy to see the faults in actions and attitudes and even the outright heresies. It is tempting to draw away and come up with a new name for your brand of true believers - the real ones.

I have been there and it is a pretty lonely place.

I am proud to identify with the "protestari"- that is the Latin root of Protestant meaning to publicly declare or protest. It is in my Christian genes I think. But I believe that I can only do so if I am also a lover - passionately arguing with God for Him to show mercy to the bride covered in mud sitting on the hill.

an anti anti church blog

2011-11-14T12:14:00.001-05:00

I admit it - I get both saddened and frustrated by the number of books, blogs and articles by former pastors and leaders slamming the church. I understand at the same time some of the wounds and idiocies that have led some, even some of my friends, to become totally disillusioned by the church.
I have been a pastor for over 30 years and been in church since before I could walk. I have seen some of the good, bad and the ugly on 4 continents. I have experienced the crushing death grip of legalism and the somewhat frightening wide eyed enthusiasm of total fanatics; and I have been hurt by both. I have also learned from both, if I am honest, and can see much of the character and ways of God in each extreme.

It is just too easy to make fun of the church - easier than picking on your least favourite political party - (you can fill in that blank for yourself). We, the church, look pretty silly sometimes and we deserve to be laughed at.

Where is the point, however, where we stop and say : wait - this is the family of God. Dysfunctional, strange, broken, full of bad theology and worse methodology, but this is still the church.

October 31 is Reformation Day - the day to remember and honour the transformational actions of Martin Luther who strongly and prophetically challenged that church that was. The church as it is now, has been totally changed because of his actions. I bless God for Luther's actions - and I thank God that he did not merely criticize in bitterness but acted in faith and hope.

I understand the pain - I feel it. I know how easy it is to walk away. My prayer is that we can pray - for healing for those who have been wounded by toxic churches. My prayer is that we would see loving, powerful, prophetic reformers rise out of the debris.

For all of her woundedness, I do not think that church has been abandoned by God. I don't think that we should either. It is still His body, and the means by which He has chosen to show His grace, love and mercy to a broken world.

x factor and the love of music

2011-11-10T12:49:00.001-05:00

Ok - I doneed to start with a confession - I have been watching X Factor USA. Put itdown to cultural isolation in living in Baku or senility but it is the truth.And I have been enjoying some of the acts.

Myconcern is simple - I am very frustrated hearing the number of the musicianswho are more interested in the trappings of being superstars than in producingmusic.

I admitthere is something about the $5 million dollar prize that can make youreyes spin just a little. That I get. But what really saddens me is some of theartists who talk more about superstardom or beyond than their love of music.Some of this was far more true in the earlier rounds but it is still there.

In everygenre, in every age, greatness in art comes from those who love their art andare compelled by the inner vision of its power and beauty and not just therewards.

I lovemusic - and I appreciate most forms of it albeit some more than others. I alsoreally enjoy poetry. Most of the poets I know – including some of my friends –write because they must not because they are seeking adulation. The song, thewords, the art is burning within them and simply must find an outlet.

I have afriend who is a composer. She used to say that the most beautiful piece ofmusic she had written she would never perform – until she could play it for theLord when she finally sees Him. That resounds deeply within my soul.

Perhapsit is time for Christians who are artists and musicians to play and write anddraw and paint for the love of their craft and as a gift to their creator whogave them their creative spark. Maybe weshould be a prophetic artistic force in the wilderness.

hope - dawn after a dark night

2011-11-09T15:05:00.004-05:00

When I was 17, I spent some time at a leadership training camp. It was one of those amazingly formative experiences that I continue to marvel at as I look back upon it.
One of the highlights was that I preached at the camp chapel - and still remember what I spoke on. I recall quoting some of the popular songs and using the question they were asking to weave into the text. I think that taste of teaching created a thirst that that I have not lost.
One night each of us had to spend all night awake, in an isolated location, in a night watch. There was no agenda other than staying awake and keeping the fire going. It was one of the most powerful nights of my youth. I remember the adrenaline rush of hearing a bear walking on a hill above me, the amazing sound of the crickets and the waves, and the growing, cold stillness.
As the night wore on and the novelty left, I found my mind walking down strange paths - both of past sadnesses and future dreams. It was a long long night.
What I will never forget was that first shimmer of light on the black sky. A teasing, streaking faint glow over the hills across the lake. I never realized that dawn started so subtly or that that it could be so very welcome.
I have had many sleepless nights since; and always welcomed the dawn with joy even if it was only a gray morning after a wet and windy night. And I have never forgotten the birthing of hope that the first light can bring.
I also love Christmas. Not so much the shopping, the chaos and the pressure, but the wonderful sense of dawn that this season brings to me. Isaiah 9 has one of the most familiar Christmas verses that speaks of Jesus the Messiah as the Prince of Peace and the Wonderful Counsellor. I love that truth.
I also love the fact that the passage starts with an even more practical and hopeful verse -
Isaiah 9:2
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.

The joy of His coming, the reality of His walking with us now, and the hope of His coming again, are more than parts of a lovely story - they are the first light of dawn that gives us the strength to carry on.

The night is so very long without hope....

Why I am a pastor - or an elevator driver

2011-11-03T10:01:00.000-04:00

Late last night I read an interesting line from Eugene Peterson's autobiography - The Pastor. He was talking about his great reluctance to become a pastor because of the pastors he had known when he was young. "And pastor ... seemed to me like being put in charge of one of those old-fashioned elevators, spending all day with people in their ups and downs but with no view.
Great quote!
I grew up in a church community that actually did not have pastors. It was a group that strongly believed in the priesthood of all believers but interpreted it as the priesthood of all men. All of the men were encouraged to read, pray or teach in any of the services. There was no formal leader or pastor.
As a young person, I noticed that the titles might have been missing but there was definitely someone in charge who was the gatekeeper - dispensing approval or disapproval - and essentially directing from behind the scenes.
As I sensed the Lord call me to be a pastor, it was without a great deal of understanding of what the job actually was. After about 30 years, there are days that I am still not sure I think.

Reflecting on Peterson's quote this morning, I realized that it reflects exactly why I love this job.

I think I am a bit like an elevator driver - but one with a great view - and I get to see the world and the Lord through the eyes of those who travel with me. Not only that, I can help others to see the Lord, the world and themselves differently and from a different perspective.
Yesterday I spent some time with a great young man who is, among other things teaching English as a second language. I heard how he had shared comfort with one of his students who had just lost a child. As I listened I realized that I would never have said the things he did - but it worked and the woman came to faith in Jesus! I love listening to stories of how people encounter God and how God shines through them as I am constantly learning about God.
I guess an elevator is a little like a moving anchorhold - and I get to take others with me on the ride as together we learn more about God, his ways and his world.

Besides, being an elevator man is not that far removed from being a doorkeeper -
Psalm 84:10
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

Jackhammers and foundations

2011-10-30T08:39:00.001-04:00

I am rather surprised that there isn't something mandated in scripture about Sunday afternoon naps. It is so utterly indulgent without the calories that I am surprised that no one has tried to market it.
Today is gray and chilly and I was thinking about how nice it would be to curl up with some nice music until we pulled into our street. The empty lot that had been beside us is now a hive of activity as it appears that the owner has decided after many years that it is now time to build. (Never mind that he is also my landlord and had promised that there would be no building for several years - another topic)
There is a string of rusty old soviet era dump trucks lining the street waiting for the large back hoe to fill them so they could lumber noisily down the street. All of this was dependant on one dominantly annoying machine - a huge jackhammer on a backhoe.
When it works my house feels its rhythm.
Sadly it is needed, and will be for a few more days I think. There is dirt and debris, broken walls ands piles of brick, and lots of garbage that could just be lifted and removed. The foundation, however, is the issue. It sullenly just sits there requiring the pounding persuasion of the jackhammer. Incessantly I might add.
Of course, as a pastor/teacher, I am always looking for metaphors and illustrations. And I have found some.
But I am curious and will try an experiment. In what way do you see this parable, metaphor or illustration?
Leave your comments on www. colyden.com, Facebook or Google+ where this will be linked.
I will not steal your ideas without giving you credit - really!!!

yeast - a perspective on the church

2011-10-26T06:12:00.000-04:00

I am baking bread today - not that unusual actually as I bake most of our bread. I get an amazing amount of joy and satisfaction in the process of seeing inert flour in a bag become this living thing as it grows before my eyes.
I have made sourdough bread which is even more fun as the yeast it uses is essentially gathered from environment around. Give the dough the right conditions and it will rise.
I have one recipe that I often use that only uses about 1/3 of the normal amount of yeast. It takes a bit more time but it always works and it tastes and smells great.
Whether it is is sourdough or traditional, bread is still basically dependant upon yeast to be the transforming catalyst for growth.
And so Jesus said - (Luke 13 :19) ²⁰ Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? ²¹ It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.”

There are numerous negative references to yeast in the Bible but I love this positive one. It does surprise me that it is seldom referred to in my experience.

I often wonder if we are so accustomed to being the majority, or at least deceiving ourselves that we are, that we are reluctant to view the church as insignificantly small yeast. It goes a little against our predilection for success and perhaps even affronts our pride.

Is yeast a force or an influence?

Currently I am living and serving in a country where the followers of Jesus are in the overwhelming minority. There are only a scattering of churches in this nominally Moslem country. The church is not a force to be reckoned with as it seems to be more of a tree growing stubbornly on the side of a rock face than a mighty oak in a forest of oaks.

But we are yeast - with the potential of being a catalyst for growth.

We have had some people come to our church who do not really speak English and are Moslems; but, they like watching how the Christian couples relate to each other. We have a friend who is a driver for a couple in the church. He is from here but really wants to emigrate. He has mentioned a number of times that the only reason that he is staying is because of the couple for whom he is driving. That is yeast in action - slow but producing life.

I am reading Eugene Peterson's autobiography appropriately entitled "The Pastor". He comments that "A people working from the margins has the best chance of becoming a community that has the best chance of penetrating the non community, de personalized, the mob , the non community that has become the norm."

That is yeast in action. Leaving the safety of the bottle to penetrate and bring life.

Perhaps part of the problem with our Western understanding of the church is that we prefer to stay in the bottle - and even build bigger and better bottles.

A friend of mine had this quote on his Facebook - Christianity has been buried inside the walls of churches and secured with the shackles of dogmatism. Let it be liberated to come into the midst of us and teach us freedom, equality and love. --- Minna Canth.

I had to look up Minna Canth and was fascinated to learn that she was a Finish widow who became a strong and radical voice during her life which ended in 1898.

It is time to let the church out of the bottle.

hope deferred

2011-10-25T08:06:00.001-04:00

I think when we are totally honest, one of our common disappointments is with somethings that just don't happen the way we want and when we want. It can be change within our selves or our spouse, improved finances, better health or a wide variety of other things.
I think that there is a common malaise within the community of God followers, that we sometimes are pretty disappointed with the church, and even, again if we are honest, with God.
I grew up in a church that pumped out the second coming of Jesus constantly. As a child I remember tiptoeing to my parents room at night to see if the rapture had come and I had missed it somehow. The fear was real.
It affected the decisions that I made as I honestly did not expect to get old before the Lord came back.
And yet it seems that I am getting old.
I have been in churches that thrived on praying for the sick. Excellent! I agree totally. And yet I still saw my friends staying sick and even dying.

Proverbs 13:12

New International Version (NIV)

¹² Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

There are a lot of people with sick hearts in the church. The world is still broken. The hyped up expectations, and sadly I think falsely so, of imminent world revival did not happen.

Many of my friends have grown cynical and are no longer in churches although they would still identify themselves as followers of Jesus. Cynicism is understandable. We have waited with great longing and good motives - and our hopes were not realized.

I am increasingly simple within my faith. I am far more comfortable with admitting that I do not understand everything. I believe in the second coming of the Lord and I am content that it is a mystery as to the timing. I believe in healing and yet I know that healing is far more complicated than I first thought.
I read Joni Eareckson Tada's gripping book - " A place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty." There are few people more qualified to write such a book.
She concludes the book with an amazing meditation on Ps 95. She reflects about how it has been years since she could actually kneel.
"Do what so many of us who are paralyzed or too lame or too old or disabled can't do. Would you open the Bible to Ps 95:6, read it aloud and then do what it says?
I can't kneel, but if you can, do.
Kneel before the Lord God....and while you're down there....thank Him for being so good to a paralyzed woman named Joni"
What an amazing perspective - what a healing perspective. The longing that is fulfilled within her life, that which gives her a tree of life, is the wonder of walking through a broken world with the Lord.

Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.

duck nibbles and foggy mornings

2011-10-16T23:29:00.001-04:00

It is a foggy morning - in just so many ways.
A while ago I did a post about being nibbled to death by ducks. It was all about how sometimes life gets us, not by the huge dramatic crises but by the constant little things - like being nibbled to death by a duck.
The ducks have been very active.
After we finally got our visas to return to Baku, it was too late to change our flight and we had to rebook for today - Monday. No problem. I booked seats on Friday and had it confirmed.
Yesterday I went online to check on our seat assignment and after 3 hours of fiddling discovered that our seats had been cancelled. I finally found someone who could help and she told me they were cancelled because they had been made less than 24 hours before we were to fly. She could not explain how Friday to Monday was 24 hours.
I rebooked and was told that I had to pay for them before we flew. After another phone call, I learned that I really needed to pay for them Sunday night and there was only 20 minutes left before they closed. I raced down and jumped in a cab who told me that he could not help as he did not know the location. This happened 3 times before I left in total frustration.
After a lot of web searching I learned that I have to go to a downtown location to pay for the tickets when they open at 9 and then race back and pick up Denise to go to the airport.
I have never had such a bizarre 2 weeks of trying to get visas. Total insanity!
So the question - what is God saying through all of this? Is this simply a test of my patience and sanity? Is it a question of perseverance? Are we being thwarted by the Satan? Is God trying to show us something?
I confess to some level of confusion in all of this. I know it is a combination and that there is a distinct element of Satan trying to bring us down and stop us from doing what we are called to do at this time in Baku.
In the flurry of hurry up and wait, and mangled communication, it is not so easy to get a sense of God's voice sometimes.

I know that we have a relationship with the Lord and not a formula to follow and I am thankful for that. I know that in this time, my peace comes from simply trying to stay close to Him and trust Him in the half light we seem to be walking in.

On foggy mornings, the trick is simply to stay close to the only one who can see His way.

laughter as an act of faith

2011-10-11T15:02:00.001-04:00

Why not?

I seem to have developed a habit of breaking into laughter when applying for visas. The first time was a month ago inAzerbaijan. I was in the Ministry of Immigration picking up what I thought was a 3 month visa only to discover that they had predated it by over 2 months and I was picking up a very expensive 3 week visa. I think they had seen many responses but breaking into near guffaws was not one of them.

Today I went to pick up visas for Denise and I in Dubai. This was the third trip to the office as everything had gone wrong so far. We were in our second week here having cancelled our first flights back to Baku. After 3 emails confirming that our visas were finally ready I spent the afternoon going out to the office.

Three things quickly went wrong as the incident deteriorated into laughable chaos. Denise's visas was only for one month instead of three and would be ready on Sunday instead of today. Then, as I was leaving, I decided to confirm that mine was ready only to see that they had forgotten to even apply for mine.

And I laughed out loud.

I remember reading something by Rees Howells, a veteran missionary, who said something like " if God who sits in the heavens can laugh, then surely we ought to also."

Laughter can be a wonderful statement of faith. When all seems spinning utterly out of control, laughing can be a brilliant way of affirming that God has not lost His smile and is not actually worried at all by the apparently daunting events.

I don't mean blithely pretending that all is good when it is palpably the opposite. Faith is never synonymous with hiding ones head in the sand.

True faith is open eyed and aware. And that awareness includes remembering joy is a legitimate albeit illogical declaration of trust in a God who is still in control.

And he is the creator of all that is good - and he created some rather funny things. And people. And situations.

Laughing is also a better alternative than getting angry.

random thoughts from Dubai - bling city

2011-10-10T02:23:00.001-04:00

If money could buy happiness, Dubai would be the happiest place on earth. It is a city of superlatives - the first fully automatic subway system which goes through a river instead of under it, the tallest building, the biggest mall, the largest gold market and a list that grows all the time. You know it is rich when there is a Bentley dealership in one of the malls.
It is an amazing workplace for architects as new, artistic buildings are constantly competing with each other for the skyline. I saw a sign for a new housing development that includes quarters for your butler.
The juxtaposition that brings the reality of life here can be found along the dock area. There is the backdrop of stunning buildings and dilapidated wooden dhows bringing in goods from Africa and the Middle East.
It is a great place to live, work and play amidst all of this luxury.
Unless you are a Philipino working ridiculous hours in a hotel. An Indian taxi driver on a contract that allows him one trip home for a holiday every 18 months. A Pakistani construction worker living in near squalid conditions in camps for labourers.
I was talking to a taxi driver yesterday who has worked here for 4 years without his family. His comment was that they can eat because he is here. I figures he can last another year.
When I was riding the metro yesterday to try for a visa to Azerbaijan, I was struck with the cost of affluence. It is often the poor who pay the price for someone else's comfort. Yes they do get paid - but they pay for the privilege of working here very dearly.
The great thing about here is that there a large number of great churches that are doing a wonderful job of reaching out to the workers here. There are at least 15 that I could find with some being very ethnocentric to individual groups. The world comes to Dubai to work and the church here has risen up to that call also. We spent Friday at the Fellowship of the Emirates which has around 800 from 30 countries - a great church doing some really good things.
I must admit I am increasing aware of those who prop up this golden city now as I look at the stunning affluence. And I am so glad that the church is able to love and serve them and draw many to a life of following Jesus.

I want to be a hodeget

2011-10-01T00:41:00.000-04:00

When I read a good book, or listen to a lecture, my take aways are often the random leaps that occur upon reading a phrase or a thought that seems to instantly open a door in my mind that I need to pursue.
This morning I have been reading Eugene Peterson's fascinating book - "Working the Angles". It has some complexity of thought that is stimulating and some very challenging ideas.
In a chapter entitled "Gaza Notes" he reflects upon his life long fascination with the story of Philip and the Ethiopian on the road to Gaza. Within this dialogue, Peterson notes something that I had not known about one of the questions from the Ehiopian. " How can I (understand) unless someone guides me?"
As Peterson notes, there are similarities and great differences between the words "guide" and "explain".
"the explainer, the exegete, leads the meaning out of the text; the guide, the hodeget, leads you in the way of the text."
What a great way to explain the difference, in my eyes, between a lecturer in a school and a pastoral teacher! Philip climbed into the chariot and joined in the journey, sharing in the sites, smells and adventures on the way. Peterson uses the analogy of it being like the difference between selling someone a map of the wilderness and accompanying them as a friend and guide.
That is the essence of how I see my role as a pastoral teacher - a guide on the journey with Jesus through scripture and life. I want to be a hodeget.

extravagant love (and good wine)

2011-09-23T13:18:00.003-04:00

I have been reflecting over the last few days upon the story of Jesus at the wedding when he performed his first recorded miracle. What I totally love about this is the number of questions that it raises and does not answer.
Why did Mary, the mother of Jesus, tell him about the wine shortage?
Why did Jesus gently rebuke her saying it was not yet his time?
Why did Mary instruct the servants to do what Jesus said even though he indicated that he would do nothing?
Do you get a wonderful sense of an inner story here? Perhaps this is not the first time that Jesus acted in ways that could be seen as miraculous? Perhaps he had bailed out other weddings? Did Mary know something good was about to break through?
I may be just dreaming but I can perhaps sense a smile on the face of Jesus as he answered his mother.
What I most love about this whole story is that is a wonderful story of extravagantly generous love. This is seriously a frivolous encounter! It was just a wedding. No one was healed. No ones lives were transformed (that we know of). No wars ended and no demons were cast out. It simply made a wedding a lot better.
Not only did Jesus make wine, he provided a lot of wine!
My day has been made richer by one simple fact - Jesus shows extravagant love. There is something that is life-giving about this to me. This was neither a maintenance or survival miracle - Jesus simply revealed his power and love to make life sweeter.
Perhaps this should be an aspect of being an apprentice of Jesus that we should emphasize more.

Barbershops and spiritual insights

2011-09-20T23:12:00.002-04:00

What is it about barbers in Baku that make me think about my spiritual life? I think the sight of someone whose language I do not speak waving a straight razor around my face might make me a little more philosophical. It sort of gives you the option of either panic or peace - flight is out of the question.
Seriously it is an interesting experience. Other than telling him I want a haircut and greeting him, I really can't communicate what I want done so I basically sit and watch in some trepidation. To be fair they are extremely thorough barbers and do a very good job for what I am paying them.
Today it simply reminded me of how much of my life is slightly out of control - well at least out of my control. Significant decisions need to be made by others in a number of rather important areas of my life which will drastically impact not only the lives of Denise and I but many others.
It is somewhat disconcerting.
And it shows me day by day, moment by moment that I have the option of peace or panic. At the moment, I cannot affect the outcome, only my attitude while I am waiting. Perhaps tomorrow I will have some actions to take and decisions to make, but tonight, my only action is choosing how I will wait.
And so the analogy with the barbershop - I had a choice of trying futilely to control my environment or to sit back and enjoy the experience.
There is so much joy that I have missed in my life in not sitting back and simply enjoying the ride at times. Situations which are out of my control, and there are so many, have a nasty way of showing me more of myself and places where I still need to keep growing.
Frankly, life is a little confusing and more than a little hard at the moment. I am not finding it easy to sit and wait while others make potential life decisions.
In preparing to preach on James, I discovered that some early writers had referred to James as "old gnarly knees" because he had spent so much time praying. Perhaps that is why he could offer such succinct advice on the such fun subjects as trouble, wisdom and prayer. If prayer can be thought of us as turning our eyes off ourselves and our problems towards the Lord, then is there a better response in the times of testing?
And so I pray, for many things and people including those making decisions about visas and church registration which have the potential of impact many in Azerbaijan and not just me.
At the moment, my prayer is simply choosing to look towards the Lord and away from the tangled mess of that which I cannot resolve.

Isaiah 30:15

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁵ This is what the Sovereign Lord,
      the Holy One of Israel, says:
   “Only in returning to me
      and resting in me will you be saved.
   In quietness and confidence is your strength.
      But you would have none of it.

I prefer God chasers to heresy hunters

2011-09-07T18:15:00.000-04:00

I prefer God chasers to heresy hunters.
This is not a comment on Tommy Tenny's book or ministry but simply a reflection of preference. I really like hanging around people who love the Lord and who are eager to see His love and life around them. I like chatting with them, reading their thoughts and learning from them as they give me life.
I find that those who preferred hobby is heresy hunting - in finding the flaws in everyone else's theology in the way in which it differs from their view of orthodoxy - even when they are right are riddled with a sense of anger and self righteousness that does bring out the best in me when I read it. I honour truth and good scholarship. I love thoughtful reviews of the writings of others. These things stimulate thought and discussion. Labelling is a lot easier and a lot more dangerous. It can also rob of us joy in enjoying God's working in other people.

It can be a bit like hanging around with people who can tell you exactly how many things about ice cream are bad for you and will probably cause your ears to fall off before they should. Somehow, on a how summer evening, I prefer simply being asked which flavour I would prefer.

I appreciate the simple joy that leaks from those of my friends who find God around them and enjoy His goodness. As I am writing this, I realize that my father was one of those people who love of life and his knack of seeing the good in others brought life to those around him.

Lovers of God are often so much easier to take than campaigners for doctrinal purity.

surely God is in this place

2011-08-31T13:51:00.002-04:00

I am reading a very challenging book entitled "When I lay my Isaac Down - unshakeable faith in unthinkable circumstances" by Carol Kent. I am not far enough into to to recommend it but I strongly suspect that will be happening.
In the middle of a life crisis that makes anything that I have ever gone through she stumbles upon the familiar story of Jacob and his dream of a ladder ascending into heaven. I have sang songs about this, read it and probably preached a sermon or 2 on it, but I never really noticed the last verse until just now.
¹⁶ When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it. Gen 28
How much of life do we walk through with our eyes half closed, completely unaware of the presence of God around us?
I was at a park today - a dismal flat place with scrub brush and abandoned oil wells being the predominant visual stimulai. Not stunningly beautiful.
I was frustrated that I had committed part of a day to this excursion when there was a flash out the window and a bird shot by - its purple wings blasting away the mundaneness of the scene. What was fascinating was that after seeing the bird my eyes were open! I saw many birds that I had never seen before, many herds of Caucasian Gazelle which is nearly extinct; and, some wild dromedaries.
They were always there but until my eyes were open and looking with expectation I might not have seen them.
And so with the Lord, we fill our days with the grey expectation until something catches our eye, our mind, our spirit and start to sense that the Lord is in this place!
We meet amazing people without realizing it; and, therefore, miss the opportunity of seeing God at work with them. We miss the gifts of His love that should lift us from the doldrums with thanksgiving.
As I prepare for bed tonight, I plan on spending some more time thinking about places where I might have the wonderful presence of the Lord today.
My hope is that I can begin tomorrow with the child like expectancy that continues to say - surely the presence of God is here!
Time and time again I return to a poem I learned in high school by Elizabeth Browning. I know I have referred to it in other blogs but it is worth the accusation of redundancy.
Earth's crammed with heaven
And every common bush afire with God
But only he, who sees, takes off his shoes
The rest sit around and pluck blackberries.

My prayer is that I will walk through tomorrow looking with my eyes wide open for the presence of the Lord in unexpected places.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it with you.

2011-08-25T05:24:00.000-04:00

This is the first anniversary in our 38 years of marriage where Denise and I will be apart – and separated by many countries and an ocean just for effect. (She is in Canada and I am in Azerbaijan).

I am so constantly impressed with God’s wisdom in choosing Denise for me. I knew so little about when I asked her to marry but I did know that I had found the woman with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

Her love for me has been my rock.

Her heart for the Lord has been my inspiration.

Her patience in putting up with me has been my every day gift!

When we got married we made a commitment that we wanted to live and serve where we were most needed. That prayer has led us to living in many cities in 6 countries spanning a multitude of continents and she has never backed away from that prayer.

(Now to be fair, she did dig in her heals a bit when I once suggested we consider a church in Katmandu. Made some comment about it being a little isolated as I recall.....)

Our prayer is still that we can live and serve where we are most needed – a call I do not do without my best friend.

It is midday in Baku and I am writing this knowing that she will check facebook when she awakens and will read it. Happy anniversary my dear. I love you. Lets continue the journey together.

Ok – this is corny and I really am not a fan a country music but this is the only copy of a song we once heard together a long time sung by Pat Boone.

If I had to do it all over again

Peace in unpeaceful places

2011-08-20T18:06:00.000-04:00

Jesus slept on a rocking boat in the middle of the storm. That has to be one of the most remarkable images of the Lord that I can recall. He simply entered into deep and tranquil sleep knowing who was the master of the storm.

In a great blog that I was just reading by Bob Roberts ( Time for America to turn back to God ) he quotes Peter Drucker. “In the future those who will be able to handle the fast pace of an ever evolving world will be the ones who have a changeless inner core.”

Totally!

I live in the middle east and the countries around me are writhing with both the pace and implications of the changes. Life has become tragically hard for so many.

I am also living in a world where the financial markets are just down right depressing. Many of my friends are watching their pensions and their dreams slip away in front of them. Many of my friends are struggling with unemployment or serious underemployment.

How do we sleep? How do we find peace in our unique storms?
The "changeless inner core" that Drucker refers to can mean many things I suspect. In the life of Jesus it meant that in his core he knew who was in control. It is currently 2:53 a.m. as I write this - somewhat ironic and rather sad. I need to go and rest in my boat very soon.

One of the other secrets that Jesus had was that he understood the end game. He knew how short life was compared to eternity and lived his life in that reality.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."(Eccl 3:11)
We easily lose sight of the beauty around us when we ignore the eternity that is before us. When we loose a sense of eternity, the storm is overwhelming.

There are huge storms around us - around me. But as an act of faith, I shall sleep trusting that I do not need to be in control when I serve a God like ours.
Night....

This I know

2011-08-02T15:19:00.000-04:00

I believe in a God whose spirit still broods over chaos and darkness creating life. And when all I see is the broken signs of desolation, I will chose to pray - surrendering my fears into the hands of a loving Father.

I believe in a God who, in a wonderful and mysterious way, breathed life into Adam and took a mound of flesh and made it into a dreaming, living loving man. And when I see dry bones, parched and lifeless under the unrelenting sun, I chose to pray - surrendering my friends into the hands of a God who is still creator.

I believe in a God who declared that the church was His bride, unblemished and pure, thhe humble and triumphant body against which the gets of hell could not stand. And when I see the hollow shell, the broken and twisted caricature of that which He redeemed us to be, I chose to pray - what else can I do?

I believe in a God whose spirit still broods over chaos creating life and beauty.

Going deep

2011-08-01T09:48:00.000-04:00

There is a wonderful quote from Richard Foster which I read in article by Gordon MacDonald - "The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people"
The problem is simple, practical and personal. It is easy to agree with this statement - and perhaps mandatory for pastors- but how do focus on going deep when you are spending all of your time treading water and trying to stay afloat?
I am under siege from decisions that need to be made while trying to take a very needed vacation.
Should I feel guilty about preferring to kayak than deep intercession and study at the moment? Does "going deep" have to involve focussed religious activity or does that tend to just keep you busy, shallow and scattered?
I want to a deep and thoughtful follower of Jesus. As a pastor I want to produce deep followers of Jesus.
I think I will start by being still for a while today and letting my roots grow down slowly instead of trying to force them down with a stick. I will I will practice this in a kayak.

Thoughts at 30000 feet on character and leadership

2011-07-19T17:01:00.000-04:00

It is hard to describe what I feel. I am sitting quietly crying at 30000 feet on my way back to Canada. I just watched a television documentary about Adolphus Greely, an American military arctic explorer. It is a very sad story on so many levels

It is sad because an arctic expedition was abandoned and suffered needlessly. It is a sad story of survival which was at and not a pretty one.

It is also a fascinating story about leadership and how Greely became a leader only later in the expedition and only under extreme duress. I found myself comparing him to the British explorer Henry Shackleton, who is one of the best examples of great leaders that I know. In comparison at the outset, Greely appears petty, autocratic,uncaring and unbending. He was a caricature of a man who unthinkingly followed orders even when they made no sense and cost the lives of many.

What made the story both compelling and moving was that Greely changed.

He emerged as a compassionate servant leader. The best line in the program was from a man who had previously considered mutiny; and later wrote in his diary that his growing respect for his commander was so great that he would rather be buried beside him than leave without him.

What kind if a leader am I?

Am I growing under adversity?

I am deeply challenged at this rather deep levels at this point in my life.

Will I finish well as a pastor?

More importantly will I finish well as a husband?

I want to be a servant leader. I want to be one who loves by serving and leading.

If there is one thought that is echoing in my mind it is this - character is more important than accomplishments. Character is more important than reputation; for reputation can be little other than a superficial approval rating of those who do not really know you. Character is ultimately who you are at 2 in the morning when no one is looking.

I shall do some more thinking upon this I suspect......

waiting and the joy of not knowing

2011-07-01T14:05:00.001-04:00

Uncertainty is one of my least favourite place to visit. There is just something so debilitating to have questions that are not answered when knowing the answer is just so very important!
At the moment, I am in the wonderful limbo of waiting to find out about a visa and the implications of that decision are rather significant. As I have been tempted to feel sorry for myself I have found myself challenged to think more deeply about this.
There is a pastor in Iran who just had his death sentence upheld by their supreme court and could be executed at any time without any advance warning. Set against that sobering backdrop, my issues are tiny!
I want the Lord to deliver me from inconvenience and there is a brother that needs a far greater deliverance than I.
And what this shows me is the shallowness of my trust in God. I assume that it is my right somehow to know what lies ahead - I mean I trust God but I sort of expect Him to explain things in advance for me. I would really prefer if He worked that way actually.
Trusting the Lord means being satisfied that in the place of uncertainty, however difficult it might be, my role is to trust that He is still God and in control. It should be alright with my not knowing if I truly believe that God, who knows all things, has my best interests at heart and has promised to both be with me and to be my friend.
Not knowing the future does not make resting in God easy - just necessary.
Once again I find myself affirming that He indeed is my shepherd - what else could I want?
And I think I will pray for the pastor in Iran ......

spiritual growth as a church priority

2011-06-28T04:23:00.001-04:00

I read an interesting statistic in a blog this morning - it has been found that not only are only 20% of church goers actively involved within their church. I actually had heard once that in the average church 80% are spectators, 10 % are workers and 10% are critics so that might be encouraging!
What was more discouraging was that only 20% of churches made spiritual growth a priority with in their church programs. That is disappointing but perhaps not a complete surprise. I have found in counseling and guiding folks that that would be about the same percentage that would make spiritual growth a priority in their lives and so it should not be a shock if churches reflect that I suppose.
Sadly I wonder if it also reflect the priorities of leaders and pastors. If spiritual growth is not a priority among the pastors and elders, it will never be within the church. Do we encourage our leaders to make their own spiritual development a priority? Do we encourage pastors to build a balanced lifestyle that will make that more likely or do we want them just to be hard working managers?
Perhaps it is time to pray more that our churches will be pastored by pastors that are growing than simply praying that our churches will grow. Lasting growth in a true sense can only come from this I believe.

God spotting - a needed spiritual discipline

2011-06-22T10:24:00.000-04:00

God spotting

God spotting ought to be a recognized spiritual discipline. I am sort of serious I think. I was returning by bus this morning thinking about to encourage someone that I am mentoring. My goal is to help him stop thinking about his problems so much and focus instead on drawing closer to Lord.

It is sort of like fighting darkness by turning on the light instead of trying to push it in the closet.
As I was either enjoying or enduring the hot, sweaty bus ride I realized that I needed to look for God on the bus instead of looking at the all the things that could be somewhat irritating.
As I started to do that, I realized what a transforming power is found in God spotting – actively looking for the surprising goodness of God around you is a cool spiritual discipline. It is discipline as it is neither natural nor easy. Just productive.
My bus was still hot and sweaty but I really enjoyed watching a young man get up and walk down the bus to tap a lady on the arm so she could take his seat. There were two girls, in traditional religious Muslim clothing, giggling their heads off over something on a cell phone. It was cool looking for God at work on the bus and seeing signs of His love showing through people.
As I got off the bus, I had to walk down along the road where a construction crew is digging a huge ditch makes walking a serious challenge. That sort of sucked the joy back out of me as I dodged cars and tried to avoid falling into the pit.
I turned down our street and the wind was driving dirt and debris and I started to remember how much I hate walking here – the litter is so depressing sometimes. White shopping bags flying in the wind are so common they are called the national bird. I notice one being driven then getting caught on a tall plant beside me. I started to walk away in disgust but something drew me back. As I looked I realized that the plant was a wild fennel growing in the ditch! How totally cool!
And finding it reminded me how much for fun it is to look for signs of God’s love that man’s selfishness.
And how much more soul satisfying it is.

2011-06-14T23:26:00.001-04:00

One thing I have desired.....
One of the great dilemmas in honest spirituality is the disconnect between our words and our intent. Perhaps I should say, in my spirituality and my words and my intent.
It is easy to sing or say wonderful phrases like "one thing have I desired" when in reality, in my life, there are many things that I desire.
I desire comfort, love, significance, pleasure, good coffee.....The list goes on.

Part of the problem is simplifying David's song. I don't think that he meant the only thing he desired was to be in the presence of the Lord but rather the primary thing.

We all need some reality therapy at times I think. I am convinced that our actions prove our intent. In other words, our primary motivations are backed up by our actions. What our actions are prove what our motives are.

I was at a time management seminar many years ago and recall one line. If you want to find out what your real priorities are, examine how you spent your time over the last two weeks. If you want to change your priorities, adjust how you spend your time and then, in a month, re examine how you spent your time to see if it lines up.

There is another line that I recall from various preachers which is basically that our calendars and our cheque books show the reality of our priorities.

For me, as I head into the summer season with all of its changes, I want to start with a look at how I am spending my time and begin to make some adjustments again.

I want my life to be able to reflect Ps 27
I want to make a major priority simply being in the presence of the Lord and enjoying the wonder of His love.

Banks and barbershops - living as an expat has its moments

2011-06-09T08:54:00.000-04:00

Ok I admit banks are pretty safe and boring; but, sitting and waiting for an hour to see a teller this morning got me thinking about unique cultural experiences that you only get when you live overseas. I had to get a letter from the bank confirming how much was in my account in order to apply for a visa. Simple. Take a number and wait. Except that I did take a number and wait while about a third of the others simply went up to teller and started to talk and do business even if there was another customer there. That is just so un-Canadian! And the teller was quite happy to server the interrupter. Oh well - that is why I brought my ipad to read while I waited.
Barber shops, in my experience are just so much fun when you have no idea of the language or customs. The first one I went to Costa Rica was when I had about 10 words of Spanish. I was feeling brave so I went by myself like a big boy. It was fairly easy until the lady cutting my hair asked if she could give me a shower! She had asked in broken English and I must have looked a little aghast. I was suddenly unsure of where I walked into. She tried again and this time asked if she could wash my hair - that was a lot safer I thought.

Here in Azerbaijan I tried the same trick with no language to rely upon. A barbershop had been recommended to me and with fear and trepidation I went in. There were 3 chairs - 2 of them occupied by sleeping men. The third guy saw me and ran out of the shop! I was a little unsure what to do so I stood and waited - feeling a little foolish and vulnerable. After a couple of minutes, the young man ran back in, held up his finger for me to wait and dashed off. This was looking up as long as he was not reading a book on how to cut hair while he was standing in the alley.
After doing this 3 more times and waiting for about 10 minutes, a fourth man walked in, shook my hand and proceeded to take his shirt off. I do get into some interesting places.
He replaced it with a "barber's shirt" and we began. He never spoke a word just proceeded to cut. I assume he knew what I wanted.
The two other chairs provided the background music as they continued to snore through the whole time.
It was a good haircut I do admit - and probably well worth the experience.
It is at times like this you realize the extent to which you simply do not belong. No amount of linguistic skill would have helped in the wonderful uncertainty of not knowing the protocol of getting one's hair cut.
It is probably good for all of us to regularly remember that we do not belong here I suspect.

Forgiving our enemies and being a real Christian

2011-06-03T03:33:00.002-04:00

What would our world look like if the followers of Jesus listened to the words of Jesus -
"But love your enemies, do good to them...." Luke 6:35?
I was reading a blog by Bob Roberts (worth checking out - http://www.glocal.net/) and he had a quote from Bill Maher that really caught my attention as I read it - “Martin Luther King gets to call himself a Christian because he actually practiced loving his enemies.”
By the way, I concur with Roberts summary that he is not a fan of Mahler but I do like this quote as it strikes me as rather profound.
In an earlier blog I mentioned a young friend here from Iran. As he began to search for answers he downloaded the Jesus video and his life was turned around by the simple statement that Jesus made on the cross where he as the Father to forgive his executioner because they did not know what they were doing. We sat in a coffee shop when he told me this with tears running down his face as he kept saying that this Jesus was someone he could follow with all of his life.
My goodness, it is hard enough to always love nice people and even they occasionally get in the way of our agenda yet alone obey the teaching of Jesus when he called us to love those who treat us badly. I was just reading a sermon by Martin Luther King on this topic and he noted that the bible does not say "like " but love. Like is an emotional response to someone whilst love is a deliberate choice of action. There does not have to be feeling of any sort in order to act in love.
Loving our enemies does not imply that we are calling bad behaviour good; but rather, it is choosing forgiveness and blessing while justice and reconciliation are being worked out. There are many times that we need to pursue the hard work of confrontation, communication and even compromise to restore a relationship. I do believe that we are called to forgive and love whilst this process is ongoing.
What would our world look like if the followers of Jesus listened to the words of Jesus -
"But love your enemies, do good to them...." Luke 6:35?
I suspect it would be rather different, and indeed it is as we try to walk within His words.

strength and contentment

2011-05-28T07:44:00.002-04:00

I realized to my horror that there is a scripture with which I am very familiar with but have never really noticed until today what the context of the passage is. I have quoted it, sang songs based on it and used it in counseling; and although the way in which I used it was not wrong, it missed a huge and dramatic truth.
Ok - here is the verse - (from King James as that is how I memorized it) - I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.
Great verse with encouraging truth!
But the context is pretty challenging! It is from Philippians 4 and here is more of the flow of Paul's thinking. "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Paul is talking about how in order for him to be content with what he had and where he lived, he needed the Lord's strength. This has really impacted my thinking today. Paul is addressing both the importance and impossibility (without God's help) of being content.
In an age of unrelenting glorification of greed; contentment, which is the antidote for envy, is a radical spiritual force which can liberate us and others. I look at the radical behaviour of the larger than life people like Shane Clairborne;and, although I have huge admiration for what he is doing, I am not about to do anything that extreme. I suspect that is the same for most of us. But how do we fight the slimey intrusion of greed, envy and materialism in our lives?

As I sitting reflecting on Paul and what he said, I have to remember that even he needed the power of God in this area.
Contentment is neither natural nor easy. Just life changing. I can be content through him who gives me strength.

yokes and soul rest

2011-05-25T22:48:00.000-04:00

I was walking my little puppy last night and she had a bit of a harder time than I did. She kept suddenly dashing off in directions that were different than me. She is very fast and so she would suddenly bolt off to the side and yelp as she reached the full extension of the leash. She did not understand that if walked a little further there a different and better place to explore. She would also start to dash every time a car came near in fearfulness not trusting that if she walked where I led here, she would be safe.

I thought of this when I was lead, somewhat unexpectedly to read Matt 11. I had spoken on this last week and was surprised by a strong sense that I needed to read it again.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

I love this scripture and this translation in particular. It was hard to read it, however, with fresh eyes and an open heart and see if the Lord had something specifically for me this morning.

As I have been trying to listen to this passage and reflect upon it, I have become gently reminded by the Lord that the pain in my neck is often because I am trying to turn when He is not and go where He is not. This is not about big picture things like life direction issues but perhaps far more about losing that inner heart attitude that is constantly trying to listening to the voice of my own comfort, curiousity and adventure seeking ego.

The place of rest is found in as I am content to walk beside my Lord - trusting that He really does have my best interest at heart. there is much that I need to think about today that is related to this.

I need to find the way to walk that is resting for my soul.

entitlement and impatience

2011-05-20T08:45:00.002-04:00

I realized today that the biggest challenge to driving here in Baku is not the other drivers - as dangerous and unpredictable as they are - but rather my response to them.
At the heart of a lot of driving patterns both here and other countries is a strange sense of entitlement and power that comes to people when they are seated behind a wheel. As I was driving yesterday - and stuck in traffic due to someone impatience blocking the whole road, I started to write in my head a blog about how other peoples impatience affected everyone else on the road.
My reading this morning included something by Thomas Merton, which although it is not about driving stuck in my mind all day as I was driving.
"People who know nothing of God, and whose lives are centred only upon themselves, imagine that they can find themselves by asserting their desires, ambitions and wishes in a struggle with the rest of the world."
As I have been thinking and praying today I realized that my impatience was the first issue that I needed to deal with rather than someone else' issues. It is easy to rail at their shortsightedness and how it is affecting my plans.
It is more honest to recognize that their actions bring to the service my self centredness and the extent to which I am trying to assert my ambitions and agenda upon others.
I really like feeling superior to the other drivers! Now I have to admit that driving here is one more opportunity to climb back up upon the potters wheel for some reworking.
And finally I thought I had a place where I could justify my frustration......

entitlement and impatience

2011-05-20T08:45:00.000-04:00

God Spotting - and the second touch

2011-05-16T22:42:00.000-04:00

Mother's day, as well as other holidays and birthdays, have a definite bitter sweet feeling when you live in a country that it considerably distant from your children. This year was no exception.
I had tried - I had ordered an iphone for Denise for Mothers Day but I had to buy it in the US and the friend returning with it had their plans change and did not get back in time. It was not the special morning that I had wanted for my wife.
As Denise was sitting in the lobby of the school where our church meets a young Iranian came in who attends our church. Because of the reality of life in his home country, he is unable to return and is in the midst of applying for refugee status. He is a lovely young man who has encountered the love of God in some dark places. He is also a young man who really misses his parents.
He brought Denise a clock for Mother's Day! He had been talking to his mother the night before and said that he had gotten her a gift every year of his life for Mother's day and could not this year and therefore he was giving one to his "mother" here. How totally sweet!
I first got Keith Miller's book "A Second Touch" when I was in university and I loved it. It is based upon the story of Jesus healing the blind man. After the first touch the man reported that he saw men as trees walking. It took the second touch to see them correctly.
I often need the second touch see the people around me. It is so easy to miss the wonderful signs of God's grace and life in each other - unless we look with our eyes healed and open.
It is easy to see the weaknesses and warts and not the beauty that the Lord has placed within. It is easy to be irritated by the idiosyncrasies of others and not refreshed by the uniqueness of God's creation.
I do think that I regularly need that second touch.

God spotting

2011-05-07T08:47:00.001-04:00

Walking in Baku is a bit of a blood sport. There are about 2 people killed a day here crossing streets so you always have to keep your wits about you.
Last Friday, one of our elders ( and a real leader within the whole faith community in Azerbaijan) was crossing the road with with his pregnant wife and little daughter. They were in the middle of the road waiting to continue when a car pulled into the opposing traffic as he was in too much of a hurry to wait. Our friend pulled his wife back but not before her foot was run over - breaking it in four places. They had it treated here but it did not go well and now, they are in the air returning for emergency surgery - the baby is fine but her foot will need some surgery, extended care and healing.
I was with them last evening, praying as they hastily prepared to leave. (One of the many complications is that they were planning on a leaving in a few weeks for an eight month break and were scurrying as they suddenly had less than 24 hours to completely pack.) My visit was interrupted by a young Azerbaijani man who wanted to say goodbye.
As I was watching, and not understanding what was being said, my friend mentioned that he was the driver who had hit them.
I watched as Gabi took his hand and talked to him. I was acutely aware that something significant was happening. When he finally left, I heard the story. It was his second visit. As could be expected, he was full of remorse and was wondering how Allah could ever forgive him. She had told him that she was a believer in Jesus and knew that God would forgive him even as she had. She spoke of how she knew that she was forgiven also for the things she had done wrong.
It was a very tender moment and he kept putting his hands over his heart and looking up to God as she spoke.
The outcome of this amazing conversation is in God's hands, but I know that God was in the room. My friend's gentle forgiveness planted a seed in that young man's heart that I pray will continue to grow.
It also stirred things deep within my heart. Seeing God in someone can do that.

onwards always - some random thoughts

2011-04-28T12:30:00.000-04:00

I am now on the second day of my seventh decade. That does have a rather ominous sound actually.
For my birthday my wife, who really is all of the present that I need, gave me a scrapbook of pictures and letters from my friends throughout our journey. How fun!
One of the many significant notes was from a high school friend that I had lost contact with for over 2 decades.
My friend made the comment that he thought he might be a better person because I was his friend. I have not been able to get that out of my head for two days. Frankly, when knew him, I was full of contradictions, rebellion, insecurities and inconsistencies. I was not a shining example of anything at times. It is only God's mercies if his comment was in any way true.
And yet, if we are honest, God often works when we do not expect him. And if he ever uses me, he uses people that we do not expect.
But that is not the point of this blog. This is, to be honest, part of a few days of evaluation and deep thought about who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life.
One of our friends commented that I was only 60 - there was still time at least 5 more countries. Hmmm - temping in some ways.
Our work here in Baku could not be more satisfying. It is going very well and surpasses my expectations on so many levels. If I have any wisdom at this point in my life it because I have made so many mistakes in the past and learned from some of them. I love what I am able to do here and and so honoured to be part of this faith community for however long we are here.
As I have looked at my past and thought about my future, one thing is clear. I want to spend more time pouring into the key people who cross my path. My legacy will be the things that other people do because I, in some small way, encouraged them. At least, that is the legacy that I desire.
What would really excite me is that if I could positively influence 5 more people to find their destiny in the Lord. The place where their passions and God purposes come together in their lives in a positive and productive way.
And then another 5.....

Saturday - the day in between

2011-04-23T03:33:00.000-04:00

In the saga of Easter, we are a people that dwell in Saturdays. We live our lives between the universe shattering cry of "It is finished" and the triumph of the empty tomb; but, we still live within the reality of seeing so many things seem just so unfinished.
I believe in the victory of Jesus. I believe that the powers of hell were overcome on the cross. I believe that the Kingdom of God, initiated by Jesus, is a time when "the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor." I believe; but, I live in a world where this is not experienced in the ways that we wish.
For the disciples the day after the crucifixion was a day of dark confusion where there was little light and even less comfort. For us, everything is changed because we know that Sunday is coming. Jesus did rise from the dead and woven into the meditation of the cross is the hope of the resurrection.
In a broken world, where we pray with faith and even at times faithfulness, we see more prayers answered than we either deserve or acknowledge. God is so good to us. And yet, we see so many prayers that still seem to sit on the shelf. The lame still limp. Our friends are still sick. and the world is so broken.
I love the Saturday between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. It is a day of realistic hope. Sunday is coming! His will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven.
I love the prayer/song coming from the Jewish Rabbi Maimonides. Ani Maamin It was the song sung by so many Jews walking into the death chambers during the Holocaust.

I believe with perfect faith in the coming of the Messiah.
Even though he may be delayed, I believe and I will wait for him.

Sunday is coming! We will again shout together - HE IS RISEN. Within the dark days of waiting in our broken world for the fulfillment of all of His promises, we are sustained by the sure knowledge that He rose - and He will return.

The gifts of the lover

2011-04-19T23:13:00.002-04:00

We focus on the gifts of the lover and not the love of the giver
Thomas a Kempis
I was listening to a talk which mentioned this on a mp3 just before my car died in the middle of heavy lunch hour traffic on a busy street in Baku- which is where I currently am writing while I wait for an angel/friend to bail me out.
So far today my iPhone has also died.
It is an easy time to focus on gifts that I need and don't on the gifts that I need and. And, frankly, a somewhat easy time to feel sorry for myself.
I lose perspective every time I focus upon either the gifts that I have received or the ones that I am still waiting for and take my eyes off the giver who is the Lord, and His sustaining love for me.
The rot of selfishness sets in so quickly.
This passion week I want to linger near the cross. That is the only place I know to restore perspective on everything in the light of God's great love for me.

There is a hymn and poem written by an Irish minister named Walter Shirley. He had just spent several weeks visiting his brother who was in jail who was waiting to be hung for a murder which he had committed. After the hanging, broken hearted and crushed in spirit, Shirley went to the parish church wrote these words.

Sweet the moments, rich in blessing,
which before the cross we spend,
life and health and peace possessing
from the sinner's dying Friend.

Lord, in ceaseless contemplation
fix our hearts and eyes on thee,
till we taste thy full salvation,
and thine unveiled glory see.

Palm Sunday - a confusing celebration

2011-04-15T11:23:00.000-04:00

If the great commission was meant to read "go into all the world and collect crowds", then what we call the triumphal entry would have been a great success.
I must admit, that of all the days in the Christian calendar, Palm Sunday is my least favourite. Call me Scrooge but I do find it a strange Sunday.
We call it the "Triumphal Entry" but it was a fickle crowd who cheered on the Lord without understanding Him and then quickly turned on Him. The great tragedy of the event is that people joyfully celebrated the coming of Jesus when they thought that He would adhere to their agenda for how things should work. Their turning from Him made sense in that light - He was no longer doing what they expected, working in ways that they could understand and did not appear to be suitably helping them.
This morning I read a chapter by Dallas Willard entitled "The cost of non discipleship". It was rather challenging. The crowd on the road to Jerusalem were followers but not disciples. They followed only until the Lord went a direction that they did not understand.
The art of discipleship is often practiced in the dark; with our hearts struggling with fear and mind filled with doubts, but, still following.
The act of discipleship is often done, as it was for the disciples, after the crowds had dispersed. As I have been reading the passion stories this week, I identify both Peter who denied and John who slept. Both are far easier sometimes than truly following after the Lord and seeking to be changed into His image and character.
I confess that I appreciate aspects of the Catholic tradition that alternatively call it "Passion Sunday" and often have reading of the passion story accompanying the procession. The purpose of this is to remind people how easy it is to turn away from the Lord due to our many weaknesses.
My prayer, as I head into this passion week, is that this will be a week where once again I surrender to Lord whom I do not always understand but who I gladly chose to follow.

learning to stop

2011-03-29T13:20:00.002-04:00

And so tomorrow morning we will be flying to Dubai-that does sound rather exotic I must admit. It is a combination of many things including a conference and a needed exit from the country to keep my visa intact. It also will include the first 5 days in a number of years without any agenda, any ministry appointments, preaching or anything else that somehow always is a part of our holidays.
I love being in Baku and serving the faith community that we are part of here. It is a high honour; albeit, at times a slightly taxing one.
I hate to admit it - but I am ready for a break where the primary activity will be sitting on a beach imitating a vegetable. I am very good at preaching to others of the need for places where the still waters can restore their soul; but, not so good at taking that advice myself sometimes.
I do see my pride rising up to insist that I am strong enough to keep going - that sleep is over rated and a variety of other silly things. I also see my heart and soul crying out for stillness.
Pastors, and many other leaders, are rather bad at taking a Sabbath break. It is considerably easier to speak of the need to nurture one's soul sometimes, than actually take the time to do it.
I am ready.

The strong wine of God's love

2011-03-23T02:29:00.001-04:00

In preparing for my upcoming message this week, I read a line that caused to get up and walk around the room. I did not know what else to do. The book I was reading is “For All God’s Worth” by N.T. Wright – a magnificent read by a great author.

The quote is this: “ To enjoy worship for its own sake, of simply out of cultural appreciation of the “performance” (whether of Byrd or rock); would be like Moses coming to a burning bush and deciding to cook his lunch on it”
What a great line! We do such a good job of trivializing worship and missing the mysterious reality of God’s presence. To adapt an image from Wright, the music we use is like the silver chalice, which is meant to carry the “strong wine of God’s love”. The chalice, in whatever form we deem to make it, is important; but it is only exists as a vessel. The real stuff is what is inside.
I have tasted that wine in the in the grandeur of a cathedral to the accompaniment of a great pipe organ and in a lonely chapel on a windswept hill overlooking Nazareth. I have experienced it in the passion of 50,000 pastors and leaders singing in full voice and with a handful of friends in a quiet room with a guitar.
Such moments rise far above the pettiness of debate and even analysis. When God spoke from the bush and on the cloudy mountain it banished all lesser thoughts of what kind of bush was burning or the altitude of the peak. The only thought that filled the mind of Moses what the overwhelming awareness that He stood in the presence of the Almighty God.
Such moment should leave us humbled and silent, satiated and hungry for more.
It is strangely satisfying also to think of my role as a pastor, teacher or worship leader as simply a cup bearer – doing what I can to enable and encourage those who come to drink deeply of the strong wine of all that God is.

Prayers for a broken world

2011-03-15T00:30:00.004-04:00

From "The Creation of Adam"

Ironically, last night Denise and I watched 2012 for the first time. Rather interesting timing in light of all that has happened in Japan and is continuing to happen. I was most interested in the scene where the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican hit by an earthquake; and, as it did you could see a split running through the ceiling painting of God giving life to Adam by touching his finger. The crack ran between the fingers separating man from God.
I love the writing of Paul where he asks the question "What can separate us from the love of God" Neither earthquakes nor movies seem to get specific mention but I think that they are certainly included in the list of things that cannot stop us from receiving God's love.
The painful reality is that they can clearly stop us from feeling loved which to us can seem at times more important.
While I was watching the movie, I was reading a blog that greatly moved me. It is by Christine Stine who describes herself as a "contemplative activist who encourages a way of life that interweaves spiritual practices with concern for justice and environmentalism." Nice.
After thinking about the multiple disasters and crisis in the world, and daunting thought of trying to pray for such large and complex issues, she wrote this prayer.

"Lord our world has been shaken by earthquakes and wars,
Lord our lives have been deluged by floods and tsunamis,
Our hearts are aching and we are overwhelmed,
Lord have mercy.

God whose love never lets go, be with all who have died,
God whose compassion never ceases comfort all who have suffered loss,
God who stands firm as a rock provide security for all whose world has fallen apart,
Christ have mercy.

Lord hear our cry for mercy when we call to you for help,
Lord may we be strong and and not give up,
May we reach out in love and compassion, finding hope in your abiding presence,
Lord have mercy."

I think that is a pretty good prayer. Perhaps you are not in the habit of using someone else's prayers but this is a rather good one. I can't think of a much better way to pray at the moment for such immense needs that do not seem to end.

Butterflies and the need to break out

2011-03-10T22:34:00.001-05:00

I have been reading and thinking this week about some of the parts of the epistles that talk about dying to self and some of those fun topics. It can be a very daunting topic - but a good one especially as we are in the Lenten season.
This morning I was reading again in "New Seeds of Contemplation" by Thomas Merton and found a great quote that has really inspired me. It is a wonderful perspective on this topic that focuses more on the freedom that we find rather than that which we might leave behind.
"The free sons of God must be saved from the conformist slave of fantasy, passion and convention. The creative and mysterious inner self must be delivered from the wasteful, hedonistic and destructive ego that seeks only to cover itself with disguises."
Brilliant! What we have to die to are the shadow things that cause inner and outer death.
I was trying to think of an analogy that would cover this. I first thought of a snake shedding its skin so that it can grow but that breaks down as the snake is still a snake.
It is more like the caterpillar leaving the dark but comfortable confines of the cocoon to break out into the world as a new being.
It is being saved from conformity and fantasy to live in the reality of God's eternally creative Spirit.
That does not sound bad at all.

being uttered

2011-03-01T11:37:00.001-05:00

I read something this week by Thomas Merton that has kept echoing in my mind.
"God utters me like a word containing a partial thought of himself".
What an extraordinary thought! My life as a word spoken with some of the inflection and heart of God.
At my core, I exist as an expression, a song, a word that in its essence expresses something of God.
What would the Lord want to speak through me?

If God truly wants his heart to be known through us - through our lives, our songs, the tangled drama of our lives, what does it sound like?

I am an echo of His voice speaking love to the broken.
At times I can be his deep wordless sigh in the midst of a long and dark night.
I might be the childlike shout of joy over a sunset that breaks through a thunder clouds on a hot summer evening.
I also believe that the Lord sometimes sings the blues - he laments over the tragedies and chaos amongst us.
His voice is at times strident against injustice, and forceful against abuse of power.
His voice has always cried out and cried at lovelessness wherever it is found.

There is a chorus that we have sung sometimes that contains the line - let my life be like a love song.
Perhaps I need to paraphrase that - let my life be your love song - to others. Or just let my life be your song......

A seed was planted

2011-02-23T09:47:00.001-05:00

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. (John 12:24)

A seed was planted in Africa this week as Rob Hall, a father, husband and follower of Jesus was tragically killed in a construction accident. He and his family were adventurously serving God and showing great love to those who had great need in Africa.

His death, and the reality of the loss to Kate his wife and their 3 young children has really rocked Denise and I in many ways. He was a Vineyard Pastor in Canada and we served on the Regional Leadership Team with him.

"Life is fragile" one of my friends wrote. How true - and events such as this only make that painfully obvious.

My prayer today is that there will be good fruit that comes from the life of Rob Hall and his death. He was a great example of someone who lived and loved extravagantly.

My friend Sabrina had this quote on her Facebook this morning from Benjamin Franklin - "Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of." It was, as Sabrina noted, well illustrated by Rob and Kate's life.

I was also reminded of this quote by Albert Einstein. "Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living."

This month has been a month where I have had occasion to contemplate my mortality and today even more so. Life is fragile and this reality gives us a number of options. Do we live with caution and frugality to protect the thin shell around or do we do to live and love extravagantly so that when our fragile life is broken, good seeds are planted.

I think I know my option.

reflections on a street puppy

2011-02-18T00:06:00.000-05:00

So we have a puppy. Friends of ours rescued it from some people that were about to beat it to death. When they found her, she was emaciated, scarred and scared and simply stayed curled up in a ball. They took her to a vet, tended her wounds and poured attention and affection upon her.
When we returned to Baku this week, we adopted her and have been amazed at the changes we have seen. When we got her on Monday, she was remarkably healthy with only a few remaining scars and a cracked rib but still quite fearful. She is terrified of doors and often has to be carried both out and inside.
What is truly amazing has been to watch her change in front of our eyes in just a few days. Daily she is becoming more playful and energetic. She is still timid at times but now turns inside out with joy when she see one of us.
She is now lying on her back at my feet sound asleep. A furry parable of the changes that can take place in an atmosphere of acceptance, safety and love.
I think that is what happens every time we, as broken, beaten down and fearful children, come back to the Father of love. I also think that this is the love, and the behaviour, that the Father is looking to show through his children.

Peace unpeace

2011-02-11T13:14:00.001-05:00

I am aware, by the way that unpeace might not be a word but it does, however effectively communicate my thought without a lot of ambiguity.

We just spent 2 wonderful days at our friend Gord's cottage on Lake Simcoe. Watching the sunrise over a frozen lake was a unique and moving experience. The shifting and growing light transformed the landscape. The ruts, ice ridges, snowmobile tracks seemed to be alive and moving.
On a frigid and sunny afternoon I went for a stroll on the ice which was wonderful. Except for one thing - in the windswept tranquility and stillness there was neither within my heart. The quieter the environment, the louder my anxious thoughts grew.

The reality is simple - we need times of stillness to discover the disquiet within our own hearts that our business and noisy lives can disguise. A peaceful place is sometimes exactly what we need to discover and deal with our inner agitation.
Being back in my home town and connecting with a cousin who had been a great friend in my youth was wonderful but also brought many uncomfortable things to the surface.
Much of the stupidity of my youth came from a deep insecurity and need for approval. I really did not like myself that much I think. I wanted so much to be taller, more athletic, not to wear glasses, and, most importantly not to have freckles.

"Galatians 1:10 (New Living Translation)

10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant."

It is a lot easier to please God than to live your life trying to please others. I also think that Paul was right and that it is a lot easier to be at peace seeking His approval rather than others.

Families, funerals and legacies

2011-02-06T17:03:00.000-05:00

After an bizarre scramble that included being stranded on a runway in Turkmenistan, I made with almost an hour to spare before helping to officiate in my uncle' funeral. Rather insane.
Uncle Albert died peacefully two days after his 92nd birthday. At his funeral, his 3 children all shared reminiscences of their Dad. It was powerful to here them all speak of this quiet, gentle and unassuming man whose life cast a lovely shadow of peace and grace.
They all mentioned hearing their dad pray out loud for them every day in his morning time of prayer and the powerful impact that had upon their lives. What a legacy!
I never heard my uncle preach - I suspect he never did- but I heard the message of his life loud and clear.
He was a tree planted beside still waters whose life bore much fruit aind the fruit was good.
I wonder how many of us want to be known because of the things that we think we are doing in private? Rather challenging.
Character can be defined by that which we do in private. If our faith, morality and actions are a posturing in hopes of being accepted or even loved by others, it will ultimately show.
I used Psalm 1 as the basis of my talk at the funeral. What was memorable and good about my uncle came because of where he put his roots, how he fed and sustained his soul.
It is ultimately same for all of us - the fruit of our lives comes from where our roots are planted and drawing life and energy.

Walking a turtle

2011-01-29T05:22:00.002-05:00

I have been reading about a fascinating movement in Paris that started in the mid 1800's. A group of young men decided to protest the pace of life. in age of increased pace -read frenetic business- some young men sought to show that they were men of leisure and started to take turtles for walks with pace being set by the turtle. They were called flaneurs.
Although the image of fashionable young men strolling with leashes around their ambling turtles is interesting enough, I am struck by the idea of letting your pace being set by turtles. Frankly this goes against my nature as I am a strider more than a stroller; but, it has captured my imagination.
What would happen if we all walked slower? I walk quickly as I want to maximum my time, burn calories, help my heart and get somewhere more quickly. I pride myself in being able to overtake the odd jogger when I walk.
Before we left Canada, my camera became my turtle. I started to walk in mornings in the bush near our house and stopped to look at dead leaves, flowers in strange places and the myriad of other things that I routinely passed by in my haste to be somewhere else.
Perhaps that is the issue - I was walking with the desire to be somewhere else rather than enjoying where I was walking.
How much of life do I miss by focusing on where I am going rather than enjoying the process of getting there?
I have been thinking of the road trips where we raced to our destination and failed to stop to enjoy a beautiful river? (that wasn't as often when I started to carry my fishing rod in the car at all times.)
How many rich moments with my children did I miss because I was so committed to helping them grow up that I failed to enjoy their being young and foolish?
Baku, where I live, is not perfect. It is an easy place to get frustrated with the chaos of life. I think I will get a turtle - I need to learn how to enjoy the walk of being here.Haste is not a greater form of efficiency as much as it can be a greater loss of the ability to enjoy the moments with which the Lord gifts our life.

Satisfied

2011-01-22T22:56:00.000-05:00

"Draw me to Thee, sill far within Thy rest,
In stillness of Thy peace, Thy voice I hear --
For ever quieted upon Thy breast,
So loved, so near."
Gerhard Tersteegen, 1697 -1769

I bought a book when I first became a pastor 30 years ago that has stayed on my desk for most of that time - "The Christian Book of Mystical Verse" by A.W. Tozer. It is Tozer's simple collection of his favourite hymns and poems and it has often been a well from which I have drunk.

This hymn/prayer is a great starting place for a Sunday morning - or any morning for that matter. Before the clatter and cacophony of day overwhelms me, I need to start by centering my life in the still mystery of the presence of the Lord.

After I quieten the voices rising up in my mind urging me to action and distraction, I find the green pastures and still waters that refresh my soul.

"By mystery of Thy touch my spirit thrilled,

O Magnet all Divine;

The hunger of my soul for ever stilled,

For Thou are mine."

Lord, let me keep this peace within my heart; and, without leaving your presence go and face my day.

On being a saint / on being myself

2011-01-18T08:02:00.001-05:00

" A tree gives glory to God by being a tree" Thomas Merton

My daughter gave me a great book called "New Seeds of Contemplation" by Thomas Merton and that is the beginning line in the 4th chapter.
Merton expands this thought by talking about saying how we are what and who God intends us to be, we are giving glory to God. Rather interesting thought!
If I apply it to myself, the more that I am the man that God created me to be, the more glory goes to the creator. This is not a great call to higher dedication or great sacrificial acts but rather adapting a lifestyle of learning how to be God's creation. (It is effective and useful in this light to see sin as that which mars the creation of God.)
Merton goes on - " Our vocation is not simply to be, but to work together with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny"
Some of this is surrender to great Artist who is our God. We are clay and He is the master potter working with great skill and patience.
Part of that is working our "salvation", our becoming whole and holy is following Him as in the fascinating and frustrating stuff of life. Becoming like Him is allowing His creation to be made complete in us as well as be infused and filled with His Holy Spirit. This process of transformation is the stuff of life!
The questions it poses are numerous. Are there ways that I am fighting God and trying to become someone that I am not? Are there ways I have given up on what Merton calls "my vocation?" Do I really believe that I am a creation of God or do I secretly think that I am a line reject that someone made it unto the floor and should not be there?
The most challenging 2 lines in the chapter were these - "For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and discovering my true self."
At first I disagreed with this rather profoundly thinking that he was defining salvation as finding oneself. He is not. I would put it this way - for me one of the problems of sanctity is discovering my true self and not accepting the false broken image that is marred by sin as final. That is one of the ongoing and challenging themes of the writing of Brennan Manning which have really moved me and, I hope, moved me forward.
These are areas in which I need to continue to move forward.

chosen, compelled and cornered

2011-01-12T07:19:00.000-05:00

"But you have been chosen," Gandalf says to Frodo. "And you must therefore use such strength and hearts and wits as you have."
I was reading an article in Christianity Today (http://tinyurl.com/6el7pg7) which included this quote in as well as some excellent thoughts about vocation or calling within the church. I am increasingly convinced that we have glorified the notion of the noble volunteer who chooses his cause and his battle goes off to valiantly take his place in history.
This appears to me to be at odds with Biblical history which has such heroes as Gideon and Moses being apprehended by the word of the Lord which interupted their personal agenda and launched them off on adventures that they never would have chosen if it had been up to them. It was simply thrust upon them.
I am not convinced the Lord is looking for volunteers but rather obedient and humble servants who simply do the task that is presented to them as best as they can.
I do like Samwise in the Tolkein trilogy. His love for his master, his deep sense of loyalty and his character meant that he simply followed where Frodo went and served where he could.
Not a bad model of discipleship actually.

Calling all harpooners

2011-01-05T03:32:00.002-05:00

There is a wonderful quote that I first noticed in Eugene Peterson's "The Contemplative Pastor". It is originally from Moby Dick; and, is preceded by a wonderful description of the chaos and activity aboard the ship when the great whale was sighted. Amidst the shouting and working there is one man standing poised and patient, who is the harpoonist.
"To insure the greatest efficiency in the dart, the harpooners of this world much start their feet out of idleness and not out of toil."
What a great line!
What an impossible idea.
As I was preparing my first message of the New Year for my church I was thinking about the need to start the year from a position of balance and stillness rather than frenetic activity. There are just so many reasons to be busy and so many ways to justify business. Whether we fill our days with pleasure or service, the problem is often the same. The lack of a still center.
For many of us this problem is related to feeling the need to keep working for God. There is a wonderful quote from Hillary of Tours - ir religiousa sollicitudo pro deo - if your Latin is rusty that means the "blasphemous anxiety to do God’s work for Him".
I gave my faith community some homework this week - basically doing a very old form of spiritual reading of the Bible called Lectio Divina. I suggested 1 John 3 as a good place to start for the New Year.
In its simplest form, it is a great tool to steady our spirits and help to fight the curse of busyness.
The latin words for this old discipline are lectio, meditatio, oratio and contempatio.
Simply put, it is reading, meditating, praying and contemplation. If you are interested in reading further about this, consider this link. http://www.prayerfoundation.org/lectio_divina.htm. It is simple and still opens the door to some deep understanding.
All of this is to simply say that one of my prayers for myself this year is that I will start from quiet and still place in all of my activities. I hear and understand the call to the harpooners.
It echoes Isaiah 30:15 - " “In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength, "

Parting is sorrow but seldom sweet

2010-12-29T16:08:00.001-05:00

I freely admit that I am an old softy but I do not enjoy farewells. And I have noticed that they do not seem to get any easier as I get older.
The occasion for my morass is due to the simple fact that I said goodbye to my two grandsons tonight and my wonderful daughter and her husband. I am an emotional old goat it seems.
I have looked longingly at those who have their families safely and closely at hand, and have looked with a certain level of jealousy. We will see my grandchildren et al again in this summer but there is so much that we miss. We don't know when if ever we will live on the same continent as them.
Tomorrow morning I fly back to Baku and the extraordinary opportunity for ministry that has opened up for us there. It is complicated, frustrating, challenging and so amazingly fulfilling. We are so blessed with this time in our lives and the amazing people we are privileged to serve.
And so, for the joy set before us, we will endure the loss.

Favoured by God

2010-12-23T03:09:00.003-05:00

"whn we look through a keyhole, it it is easy to imagine that the universe is shaped like a keyhole"
Unknown
I have been reading and thinking about the panic inspiring words spoken to Mary - "hey you -favoured by God".
The ensuing conversation must have left Mary feeling anything but favoured as her universe was totally re-arranged in ways that would have past overwhelming.
The perspective of history allows us to see God's big plan and the depth of his goodness and love; but, there are so many time that is just too hard to see.
A dear friend has found that her first grandchild will be born with a serious medical condition. Frankly, as I have thought about that and tried to pray, I have been struggling to see where she and her family are feeling favoured by God at this moment. I know that as God's children we are loved with an everlasting love the scope of which is beyond our wildest dreams. I also know that God's love can seem like a cruel joke in the face of the nagging pain of life.
Our pain and the pain of friends and family can become the keyhole through which we begin to look at our world.
As I sit writing, thinking and praying, I do not have words of great wisdom and consolation for my dear friend.
Perhaps the only thing we can do when we are facing the unthinkable, is to ask the Lord to help us to keep looking at pain through the right keyhole which is the mystery of his love.

26 Rise up and help us;
rescue us because of your unfailing love.
Ps 44:26

Advent in a foreign settings

2010-12-11T01:33:00.000-05:00

Being, like so many others, away from home, family and all that is familiar at Christmas, really should not feel so strange. That is not just because we have done it many years in many diverse countries; but, because it is entirely consistent with the nature of the season.

We commemorate the one who left the perfect family in a perfect setting to be born in total dependency to strangers. He lived his early years as an exile and refugee and then grew up to be one who was never understood. And the birth of this humble servant king we celebrate by insisting upon perfect meals, comfortably surrounded by those who are most important to us. Interesting…..

If there is anything that I do understand about Christmas is that Jesus came out of love to reconnect us with the Father and also with each other. This season I am very aware of those past and present who have left family and familiar to also share his love in many ways and many places.

I am also very aware of those many people who are stranded far from hope and hope due to war, poverty and the terrible disasters that ravage our planet. These also are the ones for whom Jesus came.

There is a wonderful melancholic beauty to Christmas for me. It is the season of wishes that are never completely fulfilled and expectations that are never totally met – and so it should be. It is the season of remembering – and I do remember the wonderful fuzzy memories of Christmas past with my parents; and more specifically, the joyful Christmas days when my children were still young. The glow of those times fills me with joy and yet some sadness as those days are gone.

It is more than anything a time of longing. In this broken world my heart cry this advent is once again

“Come, thou long-expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee.”

Speaking on Forgiveness is risky

2010-12-05T14:08:00.001-05:00

As this was the second Sunday of Advent, I focused this morning on Jesus as the Prince of Peace and of our need to be peacemakers. This lead, rather naturally, to the topic of extending forgiveness.
Two things have happened to me in the course of preparation and speaking this message. One is that I read much of Philip Yancey's book - Is God Good? - which should be a must read for pastors, leaders and pretty much anyone else who wants to be challenged. The stories and his thoughts moved me more deeply than I was expecting.
The second thing that has happened over the last couple of days is that both before and after the message, I have been hearing more stories from some of our folk. Within those encounters I have come to realize that I know so little about forgiveness. My life has been so protected from so much pain that others have endured that I feel totally unqualified to address this topic. I speak out of some experience but I know that I, as a Western Christian, have lived such a luxurious and peaceful life.
I have not been imprisoned for my faith nor have I had to flee my country. I have not lived in fear for my life nor have I suffered grave injustice. The small "cuts and bruises" that I have received are nothing compared to some of the stories that I hear.
Having said that, I am just as confident that the principles that I proclaim are still true. We are more free after we forgive others than before - and that forgiveness is often very hard work.
I follow the one who said of those who successfully brought about his crucifixion - "Father forgive them for they don't know what they are doing"; and, I so desperately need to keep learning from him.

It is sometimes challenging to follow the Prince of Peace

2010-12-03T04:50:00.001-05:00

Amidst the trappings and the schmaltziness of Christmas (which I am missing a bit I must admit) comes the stark and offensive message of the cost of following the baby who was called to be the Prince of Peace. We also are called to be peacemakers.
I was reading a newsletter from a group called "Peacemaker Ministries" which made an interesting observation.
"Did you cross anyone off your Christmas card or gift list this year because they have been "bad" to you? According to Paul's instruction, our enemies ought to be at the top of our holiday sharing lists. In our day and age, even the pagans give Christmas gifts to their friends (to paraphrase Jesus). What makes Christians different is that we care--passionately--for our enemies. We work hard to give them good gifts. Is there one particular "enemy" who you need to add back onto your list? What can you give an enemy this season that would be particularly thoughtful? This is a tough command, but it comes with an amazing promise: if we obey, we will not be overcome by evil but instead will overcome evil with good!”

The most radical, and dare I say biblical, example of this that I have ever seen is a website and ministry started by a former soldier – Adopt a Terrorist for Prayer - http://atfp.org/. It might challenge you in ways that you will not want but I cannot fault the Christ-like logic of this ministry. It strikes me as one very legitimate response of a follower of the Prince of Peace.
Perhaps that is either too large or too foreign a concept for you – it is pretty challenging – but we all have those who have treated us badly. Christmas is a great time to overcome evil by good I think.

In a week of postulations and grand statements following the latest Wikileaks revelations, prayer just might be a more effective response rather than rhetoric.

Thoughtful Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T11:29:00.001-05:00

As part of my message preparation for this morning I stumbled upon one of my new heroes - Martin Rinkart. I suspect that you have not heard of him either but he was a pastor in a small walled city in Germany called Eilenburg. He arrived when he was 31 and stayed for 31 years which was throughout the horrific 30 year war there.
This was was so brutal that the population of Germany and Austria dropped from around 21 million to just over 13 million. The town itself was flooded with refugees from smaller towns and the country side. There was initially 4 pastors in the city but one fled for a safer city and Martin buried the other 3. As plagues and starvation took their toll, Rinkart buried as many as 40 in one day.
In the midst of this devastation, the conquering army demanded the equivilent of $30,000 tribute from the impoverished town. Rinkart risked his life to beg for mercy and was turned down by the general. He called upon his fellow citizens with these words - "Come, my children, we can find no hearing, no mercy with men, let us take refuge with God." He fell on his knees and began to pray and was joined by many in the city. The general dropped the tribute to around $2000!
He was known as a peacemaker and demonstrated the generous love of God wherever he went. The outcome of this was that food was rather scarce at times for himself and his daughters.
One day coming home from to a meagre meal he taught his girls a grace that he had composed that day.
"Nun danket alle Gott"

Now thank we all our God

With hearts and hands and voices;

Who wondrous things hath done,

In whom this world rejoices.

Who, from our mother's arms,

Hath led us on our way,

With countless gifts of love,

And still is ours today.

In an age where we often pout when our need for instant gratification is delayed, this story and song is a powerful testimony of the depth of his faith - and one which has deeply moved me. Thanksgiving is a choice that we can make in any situation. In Psalm 106, the children of Israel were chided for not giving thought to the works and kindness of the Lord. I suspect that this is a significant key - the Lord is not just looking for more than the repetition of thankful phrases. It is one thing to sing a song and quite another to investigate, reflect and contemplate on the goodness that He allows into our lives.
Only a heart that is trained in such habits can produce a song of the heart such as the one above in dark times.

How do you spell "entitlement"?

2010-11-23T09:29:00.001-05:00

It all started with an mp3 by my friend Walter Theissen who was talking about the fun subject of entitlement. I was listening to this at the gym yesterday and his ideas became seeds which just kept growing. Entitlement, to put it very simply, is the notion or belief that you deserve or are entitled to special reward or privilege for a wide variety of reasons.

The two parallel tracks that my thoughts went on were first about the problem of entitlement that many of us face as followers of Jesus and the second about the amazing way in which Jesus lived free of entitlement.

Walter referred to a study by Drs Lammers and Galinsky on Power and Entitlement which was very interesting. One of their most significant conclusions was those who had power often felt that they were entitled to a different standard than others - so therefore they could cheat without remorse for example. Their study said that perhaps the reason for this was that those with power lost their ability to emphasize with others.
What is most significant about the article, to me at least, is summed up by the title in The Economist which ran an article on the study. The title was "Power corrupts - but only those who think that they deserve it."  Their conclusion was simply that the only people with power who are consumed by entitlement and all that it brings are those who do not really think they deserve their position and approach with honest humility.
What a great way to look at the Lord! He had every right to feel entitled. He had absolute power, he gave up everything and could have easily justified felling that he deserved a few perks! In spite of his position he never lost sight of his purpose. Paul says it this way in Philippians 2:
Though he was God,
      he did not think of equality with God
      as something to cling to.
⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges
      he took the humble position of a slave
      and was born as a human being.
As we are preparing for the coming of Christmas and entering the Advent season, may it be with our eyes fixed upon Jesus. This is a good season to give up for the sake of others and not to demand for the sake our selves.

[The article I referred to can be found in the Economist - http://www.economist.com/node/15328544. The mp3 by Dr Walter Theissen is called Blessed are the Un-entitled and can be found at the St Croix Vineyard Podcast on Itunes]

2010-11-10T00:31:00.000-05:00

My devotional this morning had the depressing title - "All Ministries will fail" - somewhat dismal start to the day! One of the lines was great - "Before entering into any service for God, many ask "What if I fail?" The sobering answer should be that all ministries will fail. "
They went on to talk about how everything we do falls short of the glory of God and of perfection. in essence, not every sermon transforms all of the listeners into mature followers of the Lord and not every youth group produces outstanding young men and women. Of course we all know that but perhaps in our hearts we have a misguided and prideful sense that our actions should bring unique and significant advancements to God's work on earth.
A few years after Denise and I were married we left to live in Israel. I never said it, but in my heart I imagined national revival. That was not quite how it worked out! After a series of misadventures we ended up staying in a friends apartment in Netanya trying to put things in perspective. In that significant time, I realised that the most important reason for being in Israel at that time was to allow the Lord to work on my heart. I have seldom had such a rich and intimate time of prayer.
Perhaps failure is really the issue. I strongly suspect that a sense of failure comes when we have the wrong goals. I believe that the Lord sees success and failure in a rather different way than us. I know that He wants His light and love to be in us, transforming us into His image. It is as this is taking place, this same light and love can shine through us - often through the cracks in our lives as we are being healed and changed.
My ego gets rocked when my goals are not met - and that is a good thing. My life needs to be anchored on His goals again and again. Shortly after I became a pastor I wrote in my journal that what God was after was my obedience - the results of my obedience where God's concern and not mine. I need to be reminded of that often.

Nibbled to death by ducks

2010-11-03T05:13:00.000-04:00

A few years ago I read a murder mystery by this title and it came to my mind this morning as I was trying to clear the mental and spiritual clutter so that I could think and pray.
Life in Baku is not that hard - it is safe, we are warm and fed - but the debilitating effect on the spirit of the thousand little battles of life here can be wearing to ones spiritual health.
We have been waiting for a month to get our internet hooked up and when the techie came yesterday he could not do it because of the poor quality of our phone line. (That might be because it was hooked up by our landlord and the line is coming precariously from a bedroom window next door - just possibly that is the issue lol) We took a bus to a great coffee shop Baku Roasting Company and its internet was out also. So now, after moving to a 2nd location, I am connected. Easy ......
Realistically, the wearing down of our inner lives often happens through the silly and mundane that sap us of focus and inner peace. We get nibbled to death by ducks - nothing dramatic but a sort of dying all the same.
The other day when I was walking I passed a couple of mangy chickens on the road. What made it interesting is that they were beside a very posh Mercedes parked outside a huge house. I loved the juxtaposition. When I was up early this morning dealing with some inner stress, I heard the birds and it made me smile! Our spirit is renewed both with prayer and with choosing to see the beauty and even the humour around us. They are both gifts from the hand of our creative Father. He is both an artist and a humourist. He has to be both. He made the donkey and there is not much on the planet is that is sillier than a donkey braying.
We serve an amazing God.

The God of surprises

2010-10-21T07:08:00.003-04:00

I have a friend, Jim Eubank, who like to call our God - "Yahweh sneaky". I rather like that - it captures the essence of how God often surprises us with manifestations of His life and love.
I had a horrible night with what I am told is "Baku belly" but it was not my belly that kept me running all night. I felt like I had been dragged behind a truck all night. This morning I had to go into the centre of town and try and get our internet arranged. I had access to the driver of the family I am staying with who took me in and helped me - well tried. I could not get internet. Rather frustrating that I will need yet one more day on this.
As we were leaving the office to walk back to the car, Eldar, the driver, asked me if I wanted to walk a little. There were few things that were less appealing than walking as I really just wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere, but I thought I should say yes.

A fountain on the pedestrian mall

It was wonderful! He took me on a little walking tour of his city - and he is very proud of it. We went on a huge pedestrian mall, through part of the old city and down to the Caspian to a huge walkway that circles the bay. Now to be fair, all I could smell was oil when we got to the water which makes sense with the oil rigs just off shore but it was totally lovely. We did not talk much but to see his city through his eyes was a gift.

This is a city of fountains.

I am in the middle of preparing to speak on Moses and the bush - being surprised by God when you are not looking. I had not great revelation, no stunning epiphany but I was so reminded of God's love.
He sneaked up on me again!

dependency

2010-10-12T05:08:00.000-04:00

One of the realities of having just moved to a country like Azerbaijan is we really need others. I know about 10 words of Azeri so far, the traffic redefines the word "chaos" and we basically are trapped into depending upon others.
We needed help to find our house, to get around, to shop and basically to survive at this point. Where I begin to chaff at this I am reminded of one very simple thing. Jesus, the King of the universe, was born as a baby and thus was utterly dependant upon others like the rest of us. It is a vital part of the human experience, and our spiritual life; this we often simply forget. We cannot do this alone.
Part of being a follower of Jesus is that we make a declaration of dependence upon Him and His people. This goes against our grain in just so many ways. We spend a lifetime cultivating our strengths and then learn that His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. It is only as we accept our weaknesses and allow God, and His friends, to add their strength where we have none that we are made whole.
The blessing of living here as an expatriate that it just so easy to see the gaps in my capabilities. Somehow, we all find it easier to call for help because we are all in the same boat here - or were once not too long ago.
For many of us, it is easy to help and rather difficult to be helped. Deep spiritual friendships only develop when we realize that we are all just children and sometimes need assistance.
A poem that I first read in a book of poems my brother bought while in university expresses this quite succinctly.

THE WIRE FENCE

The wires are holding hands around the holes;
To avoid breaking the ring, they hold tight the neighboring wrist,
And it’s thus that with holes they make a fence.

Lord, there are lots of holes in my life.
There are some in the lives of my neighbors.
But if you wish, we shall hold hands,
We shall hold very tight,
And together we shall make a fine roll of fence to adorn Paradise.

Michael Quoist

some thoughts on our new faith community

2010-10-05T21:56:00.000-04:00

"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb" – Rev 7:9
This was one of the verses that I used on Sunday with my new faith community in Baku. It pretty much fits here (well not the great multitude but it was a decent crowd) I did a quick check on Sunday during and the service and loved how many languages were represented including one which I had never heard of - that made me very happy. I am really looking forward to hearing the peoples stories. I know that there are so many different paths that have led people to this place and I am looking forward to learning more about their journeys - physically and spiritually.
The diversity of ethnicity, lifestyle and occupation is exciting. I see that a major part of my role is to help folk to know the love of the Lord more intimately and to help them to find ways to show that love as they walk out their lives here.
A somewhat daunting task!

Watching for signs of God at work

2010-09-28T16:11:00.006-04:00

My brother mentioned something in an email this morning which reminded me of an important principle that I try and maintain in my life and service. Essentially, he reminded me to be watching for what the Lord is already doing in the country and in peoples lives.
We are currently in the airport waiting to board for Baku. My prayer as we embark on this part of our life and service, is that we would be always looking for what the Lord is doing in the lives of all whom we meet and serve; and, that we would be able to simply bless that in whatever ways that we will be able.
Living in a country like Azerbaijan has unique opportunities and challenges for all within the expatriate community that we are called to serve. The changes, inconveniences and distance from home have the potential to make one's spirit grow or shrivel. My prayer is also that it will help me to grow and that I will be able to aid others on that journey.
My plane, and adventure, awaits.

death by ice and laughter

2010-09-23T22:59:00.000-04:00

Whoever said laughter was the best medicine? It just about killed me tonight! We are staying at my sister in laws until Tuesday when we leave for Azerbaijan.
I went to get a glass of water and ice from her fancy fridge tonight. I admit that my mind was elsewhere while I was doing this.
I pushed the button on the fridge for ice and stuck my glass in the right spot. And then came the ice.
The glass started to fill. For some reason I just stared while the glass slowly kept filling and then started to panic. I started to push the ice button repeatedly to try and stop it. It kept coming - filling the glass and spilling all over the floor. And I stood there with my glass in place.
Finally I pulled the glass out - but by this time I started to laugh so hard I could barely stand up. Of course then I started to cough but I was laughing so hard that I could barely stand up. The coughing and laughter made my back and stomach ache. The others did not help by laughing at me - which of course I deserved.
I am not sure they will trust me with such high technology again! I really do know how to pour water and ice.

interrupted by peace

2010-09-17T12:04:00.000-04:00

I found myself thinking of an old Volvo commercial this morning. It was probably from the early 70’s when speed and acceleration were things to be desired and even afforded as gas was cheap. Their commercial basically said something like 60 to 0 in 5.6 seconds. It was all about safely effecting a complete stop.
The brakes have slammed on.
We have gone from a year of business and a summer of often frantic activity to sitting in a quiet cottage on the edge of Lake Simcoe provided by our wonderful friends Gord and Marie Sangster. Even in our exhaustion we have been waking each other up to catch glimpses of the stunning sunrises through the bedroom window.
No internet. No TV. Just quietly reading and playing games. In case you think we have become the Waltons, we are playing most of the games on our ipads!
I think it will take a bit for the peace of the setting to permeate my soul.
There is a melancholy to this beauty. We are also saying our farewells to some dear friends. We had Denise’s folks in yesterday and others should be dropping in from time to time. Not easy.
For now, I will drink my coffee, take in the intoxicating view of the lake and listen to Yo Yo Ma.
My soul is being fed.

What is God's big purpose

2010-09-08T23:35:00.001-04:00

After a wonderful conversation on Skype with an amazing friend from Costa Rica Darrel Grassman, I was sitting thinking about why people become missionaries and what are God's motives in sending people. (My reflection was of course accompanied my some lovely music which tonight happened to be some Latin Jazz.)
I started to think about Helen Roseveare. I have several of her books (now packed) and heard her speak once. She is one of those speakers whose message peeled back the flesh and showed her heart in an amazing way. I clearly remember many of her words and the sense of wonder as I saw and felt her love for the Lord. Her service in Africa was not easy and yet her often repeated motto was "If Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him." She spoke of how her little issues were nothing compared to his sacrifice of love.
In one of her books ( I had to find it online) she speaks of an early mentor and teacher that challenged her as she arrived in Africa with these words.
"If you think you have come to the mission field because you are a little better than others, or as the cream of your church, or because of your medical degree, or for the service you can render the African church, or even for the souls you may see saved, you will fail. Remember, the Lord has only one purpose ultimately for each one of us, to make us more like Jesus. He is interested in your relationships with Himself. Let Him take you and mould you as He will; all the rest will take its rightful place"
Whether our mission is in a distant land or corner diner, the implication is the same. God's purpose is simply to refine us in to the image of Jesus. The more this happens the more we will have His love leaking from our lives.

and more on books

2010-09-06T22:15:00.002-04:00

In this delightful process of pruning my library into that which I will store for at least three year and that which I will give away and that which I will take to Azerbaijan, I am continuing to be stretched.
The basic premise that I have settled on is that I want to primarily take books for me - to keep me learning and growing as a follower of Christ. Sermon preparation needs to come out of my growth as a man.
So with a few exceptions, I will be taking books to keep me fresh spiritually. The first three books that I have selected are:
The Christian Book of Mystical Verse - A.W. Tozer. I bought this book nearly 30 years ago and have loved it ever since. It is a collection of obscure hymns and poems through the centuries that Tozer - one of the first evangelical mysitcs - put together.
The Contemplative Pastor - Eugene Peterson. I first read this on a plane and was struck by a quote in the second chapter that has shaped the way I think. " The adjective busy set as a modifier to pastor should sound to our ears like adulterous to characterize a wife or embezzling to describe a banker. It is an outrageous scandal, a blasphemous affront." You can understand, perhaps, why it caught my attention.
Reaching Out - Henri Nouwen. It is possible that I will take several of Nouwen's books with me but this is the first. The prologue says that the book is a response to the question "What does it mean to live a life in the Spirit of Jesus Christ".
It is so easy as a pastor and teacher to read, even the Bible, with the wrong set of glasses on I have found. Often I read for others, for messages or for inspiration in counseling situations. I think that such reading might make for clever messages but a lean spirit in the teacher.
This is not to downplay the need for sound scholarship and research as a teacher. But it is to emphasize something which I believe to be profoundly true - unless what I speak comes out of the overflow of my heart and life it will have little lasting effect.

books books books - a blog with homework

2010-09-02T17:19:00.001-04:00

As part of preparing to move to Baku Azerbaijan I am downsizing my bloated library down to what will fit in a suitcase. I confess it is causing me some pain! I am far too sentimental and remember where and when I bought many of the books. It is also hard to pack quickly when I find myself reading a lot of the books.
I have also found some books which I recall buying with great enthusiasm; and, which I was convinced would change my life and ministry. Some I never actually opened it seems.
I recall reading that some books are written for an age and some for the ages. Some, it seems, were written for a very short age and reflect a view that just does not seem to make sense 20 years later. I am glad there is recycling in my neighbourhood.
It is becoming a fascinating exercise to think about which books are most important. I began by packing those that I had not read in some time and gave many of these away. I am now down to one bookcase.
I think my next task is to pick the top ten books that I almost cannot live without. My thinking has changed and I am finding myself looking for books that will help me grow rather than simply help me prepare messages.
Ok - here is the homework. If you could only take 10 books with you for 3 years (and there was no cool things like ipads for this exercise), what would you take?
For those of you who are bibliophiles, this might be a little challenging.

thoughts on the road we've travelled together

2010-08-25T07:59:00.000-04:00

37 years ago, Denise and I sang a song that I had written at our wedding. Ironically, we have seldom talked about it since then - the song I mean - but I noticed that she had also noted it on Facebook. It was a simple song and it started with the words:
"I don't believe I've been down this road before
These sights are new to my eyes
This isn't where I thought I would be
When I left my home and my family
To follow my love
To follow the Lord"
Together we have had an amazing road that we have journeyed. We have lived on a kibbutz in Israel, pastored a wonderful church in Australia, had an amazing time ministering to some extraordinary folk in the interior of Papua New Guinea, had two wonderful children ....... and just so much more!
My journey has been so much richer because of who has been at my side - laughing, singing, and where I needed it, giving me a loving reality check. I could not have done this without the gift of Denise in my life.
She has been the team mate that I needed at every turn.
We have recently accepted a call to a church in Baku Azerbaijan. I still marvel at this woman who is still so willing to say yes to the Lord in spite of the cost. Her heart of worship and commitment to a life of loving surrender continue to bless me.
In the New Living Translation, Proverbs 18:22 says "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure".
I agree.

The gospel and the blues

2010-08-18T09:02:00.000-04:00

I have been reading a wonderful little book called "The Living Reminder" by Henri Nouwen (it is a must read for pastors I think). In this there was a challenging chapter on the absence of God. The key part of this for me was some comments he made about the Lord's Supper - Communion.
"We eat bread but not enough to take our hunger away; we drink wine but not enough to satisfy our thirst...These simple signs, which cannot satisfy all of our desires, speak first of God's absence. He has not yet returned, we are still on the road, still waiting, still hoping, still expecting, still longing."
That is very rich thought. In a world which honours instant gratification, the Lord offers us hope and longing for that which are not yet experiencing.
Perhaps longing is one of God's best gifts. It certainly combats the tyranny of the present. It reminds us that we are still pilgrims on a journey and, although the Lord is with us, He is also waiting at the end of the road with a banquet that defies description.
The best is yet to come!

jaded expectations

2010-08-11T19:24:00.001-04:00

I have been somewhat transfixed by a fascinating book called "Post Charismatic" by Rob McAlpine. The more I have read it the more I see how its accuracy in some respects. There are so many people who were blessed to part of charismatic churches or ministries that are now almost needing support groups as they try to detox from either bad experiences and bad theology. Part of the book is historical and gives a very good account of some of the ways in which some aspects of the charismatic world erred. What is significant to me is it is written from one who loves the great things that God did through it. It is not just a mean diatribe of someone who theologically disagreed with the whole premise.
One of the quotes I liked from the book - "We have become jaded by hyped up expectations. We become functional deists. We go about the work of the Kingdom without really expecting God to show up."
Excellent thought.

becoming a beginner - again

2010-08-08T23:11:00.000-04:00

“A disciple is always ready to take the next step. If there is anything that characterises Christian maturity it is the willingness to become a beginner again for Jesus Christ. It is the willingness to your hand in His hand and say “I’m scared to death but I will go with you. You are the pearl of great price." John WImber

I found this great quote in an amazing book called "Post Charismatics" by Rob McAlpine. I will be blogging about the book shortly but I cannot get past this quote. Or rather, it is sort of stuck in my throat.

There are few things that express my week better than that last line - "I am scared to death but I will go with you." We have some friends that have told us how they admire our courage and love living vicariously through us - this week I would have rather lived my live vicariously. It just seemed too hard and too complicated at times. It still does; but, if I have learned anything from trying to follow the Lord - it is always worth the risk.

It is typical of the upside down Kingdom in which we live that maturity would be characterized by a willingness to be a beginner again. It makes sense with a God who loves children so much.

Walking on water gives you wet feet

2010-07-28T21:40:00.004-04:00

I do know that I am really milking the Peter and the boat thing but it is somewhat pertinent to my life at the moment.
After Peter shifted his weight past the point of no return on the side of the boat there must have a moment of exhilaration - just before his feet got wet.
Often, we make choices to follow the Lord in acts of obedience, after a flutter of ecstasy comes the unstable and frightening reality of water beneath our feet. There has seldom been a time in my life where that has not been the case. And if I read the biographies of many fellow pilgrims, I am not alone.
Feeling the uncertainty of nothing but waves beneath our feet goes against everything in our nature that wants to be in control. I am convinced that every act of obedience to the Lord comes with its own unique water test. There is something about walking on the water that does have a certain element of risk I think.
We have said yes to a wonderful church in Baku - and the water test is whether or not we can stay afloat whilst we do the myriad of things necessary for an international move.
One of our friends mentioned that they enjoy living our life vicariously. I think that is a great complement but there are times I would rather live my life vicariously. It is not easy to downsize into 8 suitcases!

I am not asking for sympathy - just prayer that I can keep my eyes on Jesus even when my feet get wet. For Peter, the alternative was staying on a boat that might just sink in the middle of the storm. I would rather be a wet Peter trying to learn how to follow the Lord.

Just saying...

Leaving the safe harbour -

2010-07-27T12:52:00.006-04:00

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for," Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper.
After many weeks of prayer and conversation, Denise and I have decided to to move to Baku, Azerbaijan where I will become the pastor of Baku International Fellowship.
Who would not want to pastor a church with folk from 20 nations at around 25% of the church being NGO's or blessing the country in other forms?
We have felt a very strong call to minister to the highly mobile expatriate community - those folk whose jobs or calling lead them to live in countries that are not their own. It is a unique and often ignored mission subset with some equally unique opportunities and challenges. In Baku, there is only one English speaking church for the whole expat population. That has a lovely sound to it!
We still have many decisions to make and a great deal of work to get organized but it is rather exciting!
Stay tuned for more!
Onwards always

Returning to the harbour

2010-07-18T10:09:00.004-04:00

Last Sunday, at the last public service of Amicus Vineyard, I related this Jewish perspective and parable.
When a ship is launched to an uncertain lifetime of traveling on the lonely and often dangerous seas, there is often great fanfare and celebration. It is ironic considering, at least in days past, the huge risks involved in sea travel. Safe return was always hoped for but not always realized.
When, at the end of its travels, the ship returns slowly into harbour, it often bears the scars of its life at sea. It neither looks nor moves in the same way when it left; but, against the odds, it has come home.
The parable goes on to say that perhaps we should be making the party at the end of the trip - a time of rejoicing at the victories and recalling with both awe and laughter the tragedies both that arrived and those that barely missed.
It is not an easy thing to close a little faith community. The reasons for doing so are complex and compelling. This one thing we know, the voyage is over. And this is the time to recall with both thoughtfulness and tenderness the victories and failures with an over riding sense of gratefulness for all that God has done.
I thank God that I have been on this voyage with these great people for a time. Of this I am sure, God is not finished with any one of us. That which we have experienced and learned in this part of our individual pilgrimage is an investment that the Lord has made into our lives; both for us - in the process of becoming more Christlike - and for the Kingdom of God.

This I know

2010-07-17T13:26:00.000-04:00

I know that God likes me and He is good.
I know that God likes me better than I like myself.
I know that God always wants what is best for me.
I know that God knows better than I do about what that is.
I know that trusting God is the safest thing to do in the universe - always.
I know that God is never anxious about my future.
I know that most sensible things I have ever done have been when I trusted God even when it did not appear to make sense.
I know that the next most sensible thing I have ever done has been to marry Denise.

The heart of worship

2010-07-07T08:30:00.001-04:00

There is a theme in scripture and one that is echoed by a few great writers that, in my opinion, may be one of the concepts that could use some greater emphasis.
A.W Tozer, who was probably the only mystic that arose in the evangelical church of the 50's, puts it this way "It is part of my belief that God wants to get us to a place where we would be happy if we had only Him."
I am writing this not because I want to rant about selfishness or self centredness within the church, but because I see it within myself and I am not impressed. I think unless we are alert, we quickly slip from serving the Lord and wanting to please Him to wanting Him to serve us and getting frustrated when the service is not good enough.
We took in a stray kitten once that was considerably malnourished. Even though it was very hungry, it would drink a little milk and then come and rub against our legs. Our presence seemed to be as important as our gift of food.
A.B. Simpson, the founder of the Christian and Missionary Alliance of which Tozer was a part, wrote a hymn called "Himself". I am not so fond of it as a something to sing but I love the words as a meditation.

"Once it was the blessing, Now it is the Lord;
Once it was the feeling, Now it is His Word.
Once His gifts I wanted, Now the Giver own;
Once I sought for healing, Now Himself alone."

If that song were being written today it might say
"Once it was the music, -
Once it was ...... (well you can fill in your own blanks here)"

Matt Redman wrote a powerful and prophetic song "The Heart of Worship"

"When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart
...
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus"

It is not just the heart of worship - it is the heart of everything.

There are rich moments

2010-07-02T02:34:00.001-04:00

It is an exquisitely tranquil moment. I am sitting in my cousin's house just outside London early in the morning before we go to catch our flight back to Canada. This has been a very busy week and my head is full of the both with the sights, sounds, voices and faces of this last week in Baku. I can almost here the clamor of business of the week ahead.
At the moment, my soul is being washed by the beauty of some Russian Choral music on my headphones. Outside the window, it is a soft morning with a tall laurel hedge just by the windows and a big lamppost that makes me think of Narnia just beyond the hedge.
A moment ago, I glanced to my right and there was a large fox sitting outside in the middle of the veggies, watching me. We stared at each other for a moment and he simply turned and disappeared.
I have been made richer this morning.

some random thoughts from Baku

2010-06-30T09:11:00.007-04:00

Baku, and I had to look it up also, is the capital of Azerbaijan. We have been here preaching in a church and talking to the leadership about coming here to pastor the church. It is the only English speaking church in the country and ministers to the revolving expatriate community here - what is not to like about that?
Baku - how do you summarize a city that is post soviet( you can really tell from the architecture) the first oil boom country (you can really tell from the buildings that are literally going up everywhere) and on a gorgeous peninsula reaching into the Caspian Sea.

It has been a dizzily busy week and we will be leaving in the morning.
I do feel richer for having come - no matter what the outcome of this trip.

Jumping - more on leaving the boat theme

2010-06-21T23:43:00.001-04:00

In a chat with a wise friend I was reminded of a comment that he had left on an earlier blog. The back story of the quote was John Elleridge was writing about a time when he and his family experienced the joy and terror of jumping off a cliff into water. Here is the quote from Elleridge that Rick left on my blog -
"I want to live my whole life like that. I want to love with much more abandon and stop waiting for others to love me first. I want to hurl myself into a creative work worthy of God. I want to charge the fields at Banockburn, follow Peter as he followed Christ out onto the sea, pray from my heart's true desire. As the poet George Chapman said,
" Give me a spirit that on this life's rough sea
Loves to have his sails fill'd with a lusty wind
Even till his sail yards tremble, his masts crack,
And his rapt ship runs on her side so low
That she drinks water, and her keel ploughs air."

That takes my breath away. I want that to be my prayer and my life. There is a burst of life that comes when we let go and jump! There is a sense of being fully alive when we set our mind to follow fully after the Lord and start walking that commitment out
I want to hurl myself into a creative work worthy of God. I have never met anyone who regretted loving too much or laughing too much. I know that as we take that bizarre first step away from the boat there is an amazing peace and exhilaration that flood our minds and souls at the same time.
I also know that when we start to sink, there is simply nothing like that realization that comes when Jesus puts out His hand catches us.
We learn things from risk and failure - both walking on water and sinking - that we simply cannot learn anywhere else.
The end of the quote that Rick left for me sums it up nicely – “Life is not a problem to be solved; it is an adventure to be lived”

Getting out of the boat

2010-06-20T14:41:00.000-04:00

I have read about it, preached on it, meditated on it and even written a song about it; but, it is a lot harder when you are sitting on the gunnel of a bobbing boat staring at the waves to take the first step. It is only when your foot first feels the cold spray that you start to sense both the reality and insanity of leaving a perfectly good boat. And it is only when you irreversibly shift your weight towards the black water that it becomes a reality.

Even if the boat was being buffeted by a storm, it was a boat he knew. Often steps of faith challenge us to leave familiar haunts and the comfort they bring.

And I do wonder about the other disciples. Were they encouraging Peter or calling on him to abandon his silly actions and come back to the safety of the tossing ship? Obedience to Lord sometimes can be a lonely place I think as we might not be doing what others assume is either safe or logical.

True faith is never passive and it always can take us from where we are to a place that is closer to Jesus. That is worth getting out of the boat for.

Invictus and Soul Care

2010-06-09T19:20:00.002-04:00

On our flight to England I finally watched the movie "Invictus". It is an excellent film which moved me deeply.

The poem "Invictus" is woven into to the movie in more ways than just the name. Frankly, I have never actually liked that poem especially since Timothy McVeigh used it as his last words before his execution.

Since watching the movie I have begun to think about it a little differently. The last line is interesting - " I am the captain of my soul." I have always rejected that thought and said that Jesus is the captain of my soul - that is my goal and intention.

While this is true, there is another element involved here - who is responsible for the condition of your soul? The Lord is the source of health and healing for both our inner and outer man but we certainly have a major element of responsibility. The tools of soul care include what have become known as the spiritual disciplines which covers such things as prayer, solitude, fasting and many other things. It also includes effective use of recreation - which is considerably different that merely being distracted through entertainment. The care of the soul also needs relationships which includes those that can guide and support on the way.

How do you get and keep your soul healthy and whose responsibility is it?

Dare I say it - it is not the job of the church or the pastor to make your soul healthy. Participation within a community of faith is a vital part of this process; but, without embracing the concept that we all have a vital role in steering our soul towards health and actively engaging in activities that feed and care for the soul, little lasting good will come.

wonder and worship

2010-05-30T01:46:00.000-04:00

I have been reading some things by Eugene Peterson this morning that have wakened my spirit. "It is not easy to convey a sense of wonder, let alone resurrection wonder, to another. It’s the very nature of wonder to catch us off guard, to circumvent expectations and assumptions. Wonder can’t be packaged, and it can’t be worked up. It requires some sense of being there and some sense of engagement."
— Eugene H. Peterson

The very nature of God, and therefore of worship is all about being standing jaw-dropped before yet one more example of His love, creativity, majesty and mystery. Neither wonder nor worship can be packaged without leaving only the very shadow of the thing we are trying to capture.

Missions and inner health

2010-05-28T02:53:00.000-04:00

The German theologian, Emil Brunner, said that the church exists by missions as fire exists by burning. Interesting and complicated thought! How can you exist by something that constantly consumes you?
(I totally agree with the premise of course. Everything in me understands the constant call to take the gospel to those who have not yet found life in the love of God.)
The problem with this phrase is one of balance I think. It is true with regards to the intrinsic nature of the church and the way in which the church finds itself only as it is outwardly looking and acting. It is a problem when it becomes task driven within that sense of mission. When this happens, we take our identity and life from what we are doing rather letting mission flow from our oneness in Christ and His mission.
It is too easy to be so driven by the task of mission that we can lose sight of the vital role of spiritual formation and the call to be inward focused in our walk with Jesus.
We were just at an excellent leaders retreat in Ontario before we came to England. Charles Bello. A lot of it dealt with the issue of burn out for leaders and pastors in the church which is a huge problem I think. I have been thinking since then that some of this comes from putting too much emphasis on mission and various other aspects of success and not enough on being healthy, normal followers of Jesus. It sort of echoes what I was reading in " Spiritually Healthy Churches". If we aren't spiritually and emotionally healthy as leaders, we will produce people like us. If we are so consumed by our task and mission and find our identity within that, so that we cannot breathe, relax and recreate, we will ultimately crash and burn.
A significant part of the mission of the church is helping people connect to God and learn to live as family within His Kingdom. If our missions, whether it is an exotic country or at work, does not flow out of the inbreaking Kingdom of God in our lives, it will simply be one more task that consumes us.If our inner life in Jesus does not flow into the practical forms of seeking to extend His Kingdom it will end up being a sad perversion of the life of following Jesus.

Daydreaming, torture and the church

2010-05-24T08:38:00.001-04:00

Just read a wonderful line from an amazing book "The Book of Negroes". "The people of Great Britain and other seafaring nations have devised unspeakable punishments... but in that moment and at that time, none seemed worse that their own self inflicted torture:to sit unmoving, but forbidden to sleep, in a cavernous room with arching stone and forbidden windows while a small man adopted a monotone for the better part of a villainous hour."
If it wasn't so true it would not be that amusing to me I think. I do recall counting the little holes in the acoustic tiles in church to try and keep awake and pass the time.
The worst thing about church when I was young is that it was the place where I learned to be proficient at daydreaming - a soul sucking amusement that can easily be my drug of choice still when I need to escape.
It can be harmless and even entertaining - but it can be so much worse.
There is a proverb in the Bible about how the person who chases fantasy is a fool. With reluctant shame, I can nod my head in affirmation.
I cannot totally blame church for my occasional struggles with daydreaming; but, in as much as it is my power, I do want to help churches not to be rated based on their ability to afflict torture.

Books that shook your life

2010-05-14T14:41:00.001-04:00

I have been following a series of articles in Christianity Today on how to impact or change society. The first was by James Davison Hunter who argues in favour of being a faithful presence in the world. The response was by Chuck Colson whose writings often inspire and challenge me. Chuck speaks passionately from his life and faith journey about the call of God to action against social justice. (I did find his arguments a little more compelling)
However, what I was most struck by was a line from Colson describing the influence of a book about the English politician William Wilberforce called "God's Politician."
To quote Colson, "I fell in love with Wilberforce, and he has become the singular hero of my life. I marveled at how he cared passionately about deep Christian discipleship and how that discipleship led to his campaign to end first the slave trade and then slavery itself. If you want to know why I do what I do, read Wilberforce's life."
As I have been thinking about this, I was wondering if there was a book or person who shaped my life in such a way about whom I could say - if you want to understand why I do what I do, read this.
In my life, the book might be "Through Gates of Splendour" by Elizabeth Elliot. This is the story of the 5 missionaries who were martyrs in taking the gospel to the Auca's (now known as the Huaorani) in Ecaudor. There is a quote in that book that has been in the flyleaf of several of my bibles - "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
Is there a book that has significantly shaped your world view, faith or life journey. I would be very interested in hearing what that was. Please consider responding to this blog if you have a significant book that shook your life.

Remembering on Mother's day

2010-05-09T14:19:00.004-04:00

The confluence of VE day (Victory in Europe) and Mother's Day has caused me to reflect somewhat upon the life of my mother.
My parents had intended for many years to be in Holland for the celebration of VE on its 50th Anniversary with coincided with their 50th wedding anniversary. They were to have married on VE day but my dad did not show up for the wedding - the closing of the war interfered with his travel plans and they were married in Belfast the following day.
Instead of going to Holland -which would have special as my father was part of the liberation force there - they went to Myrtle Beach. On their 50th anniversary, my mom began to get very ill with the cancer that took her from this world to the next a year later.
She had a good life and was married to a good man. She was a humble, stubborn, quiet and eloquent lover of God who has left such a powerful mark upon my life. From her, I learned to love poetry and music. I learned to love the Bible and especially memorizing it which is something she did for most of her life.
Her love for and awareness of God's larger kingdom has probably left the biggest footprint upon my life. Her only brother was a pioneer missionary in Angola. In the 50's and 60's that meant that I was the only kid in school who brought show and tell that included a lion's claw broach! It also meant that our house was filled with stories from far away places and visitors from every continent. I grew up understanding that the word "go" in the great commission "go into all the world", meant a change in location.
My mother watched her parents send their only son to an Africa so isolated and full of danger when he went, that I can only imagine the cost to their hearts. My mother gladly encouraged, prayed for and supported my wife and I when it was time for her to say good bye to us as we began our missionary adventures.
Now that I am a grandfather, I can only begin to imagine the cost to her of having 2 of her 3 grandchildren in Australia for so many years. I will always remember with love and respect the freedom she gave us to follow the Lord.
I remember hearing George Verver, the founder of Operation Mobilization, say once that one of the great hindrances to missions was Christian parents who held their children so close to them that they could never venture far from the nest in their following of the Lord.
I am so grateful for parents that made me so secure in their love that I could go in obedience to God's call and in response to the heart that they had helped to nurture.
On this Mother's Day, I pray for mothers everywhere that they would enjoy being loved by their children. I also pray that they would love their children so much and in such a way that their children can grow up to be radical followers of Jesus where ever that should take them.

Looking both forwards and backwards

2010-04-27T09:27:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning and realized that there is a door at the end of a long hall. In 11 years I will be 70 years old. That is a very strange thing to write or think about. I am neither morbid nor fearful but intrigued by my own thoughts and the reality of life today.
Denise and I have had an extraordinary life, albeit a little strange; and, have been able to experience some amazing things. It has been a ride! We have been deeply enriched by the wonderful people with whom we have been privileged to know and learn from. There are just so many heroes of the faith that we have been privileged to know - and the majority of whom have lived lives of immense significance to the Kingdom of God well below the radar of fame.
We were privileged to be involved in some of the heady days of the Jesus People when Denise and I were dating and first married. This was a time when people like Keith Green and Corrie Ten Boom were encouraging us to live simple lives of passionate obedience to Jesus. For us, and many of our friends, this message was a seed that grew. Our prayer throughout our lives has been to be available to the Lord to serve where we were most needed. We might not have always done that with either the skill or wisdom that we needed, but I do not regret trying to obey.
As I look at this next phase of our lives, that is still my prayer. I simply want to use those gifts and experiences that the Lord has given in a way that will most honour Him. As I have been sitting and enjoying both my coffee and the lovely music filling my office this morning, I have realized that more than anything this next year and decade, I want to experience more of God's love and let it change me and seep through me to others in whatever capacity that I can.
The reality that I embrace as a follower of Jesus is this - I don't think I need a bucket list. I will have all eternity to keep experiencing the goodness of God and his creation. I have nothing against either golf or rocking chairs, but my dream is still to be an apprentice of Jesus, learning of His ways and character, and fulfilling His purpose for my life.

docent - a great metaphor for leaders

2010-04-21T23:28:00.001-04:00

A docent is a volunteer guide within a museum or art gallery who tried to give some understanding to what people are looking at. My sister in law was a docent in an Art Museum in Hamilton and I walked through with her my understanding and appreciation grew exponentially. I saw things, at least in a small part, through the eyes of her understanding and experience.
I was reading a blog tonight (from Out of Ur) and docent was used as a metaphor for the role of a pastor. Actually I think that it can be applied to many roles within the faith community; but, especially anyone with a pastoral, teaching or worship leading role. Really it applies to any of the places where we are from time to time being a bit of a guide to the faith life with another.
Let me explain by quoting from the blog I was reading "Docents are tour guides, leading people from one gallery to another, shifting their attention from one work of God to the next."(Magrey deVega) Practically a docent might be a story teller to make a picture speak the way the artist intended. They might encourage a particular angle that shows a unique perspective on a sculpture. Some works of art invite discussion and others are best seen in muted silence.
What I love about this is that a good docent helps you to see and experience the item for yourself. Their input is meant only to direct or focus your senses in a particular way. To me this is a great image of leadership in worship, teaching or prayer. It means that as a teacher I can open the bible and suggest a way that people can look at a familiar scripture that might bring life. I can enlarge understanding by giving a little more of the backstory that helps to colour the setting.
The other thing that is terrific within this metaphor who is this - who remembers the docent? A good docent will help you remember the picture.
I read a book recently that said we are leaders if we impact someone's life significantly. By that definition we are called to be docents I think. As spiritual friends, mentors and evangelists we walk humbly and joyfully in the role of helping others to see Jesus with fresh eyes.
Quoting again from deVega, "Together, we journey in awe through the splendor and artistry of the work of God in our lives and throughout the world."

No understanding

2010-04-20T11:57:00.002-04:00

A fun sign that I found when I preparing a message a while ago.

I am not sure what country it originated in and can only guess that they intend on informing everyone that it is not good to stand under this sign for some reason.
It is a rather unusual sign! I think that it is also a one that many of us could have had hanging over our heads and hearts at various times. So often we just don't get things no matter how hard we try.
One of the things I actually like about God is that I do not understand Him. My logic is this - if I could totally understand him, he would have a very small God and I am glad that I do not serve a small god.
It is frustrating to not understand.- to be torn by inner conflict about what you believe about God and what you think you should believe.

Our doubts can suffocate our spirits and prevent us from continuing to engage with God. It is not easy but I believe that our doubts should not separate us from God. Perhaps it is more arrogance than wisdom that demands so loudly we must understand everything. I often hear my own interior logic struggling with trusting God in places where I do understand what is happening. I feel more comfortable when I know what is going on I guess. And that is more about my need to control than my ability to trust God. Perhaps the Lord knew what He was talking about when he told us we needed to be like little children and just trust Him. Little kids can jump into their daddy's arms without knowing the physics involved or even the actual implications of their leap.
It has to be bit of a balance between feeding our curiosity so that we are striving to understand more about the Lord and walking (or leaping) in childlike trust.